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"I thanked him for his service.



“No problem,” he said.

It wasn’t true. There was a problem. I could see it from the way he looked down. And I could see it on the faces of some of the other vets who work with Mr. Garth when I thanked them too. What gives, I asked? Who doesn’t want to be thanked for their military service?

Many people, it turns out. Mike Freedman, a Green Beret, calls it the “thank you for your service phenomenon.” To some recent vets — by no stretch all of them — the thanks comes across as shallow, disconnected, a reflexive offering from people who, while meaning well, have no clue what soldiers did over there or what motivated them to go, and who would never have gone themselves nor sent their own sons and daughters."

This is where I vent a little......

See, as a vet this irritates me. I wasn't in during war (went in in '92) and I don't know what they've gone through in Iraq and Afghanistan, but as a vet I know what it's like to live the military life, and as the former spouse of one who went to Iraq and know folks who came back injured or in a box, I know the stress- just in a different way.

Don't assume you're talking to the very people you think you're talking to when you say, "Don't thank me." Don't assume we don't know, don't assume we didn't go, don't assume we didn't send our kids. As much as you say we don't know jack, well you don't either. Don't assume we don't mean what we say.

I respect the fact that you enlisted for whatever reasons you did, but you need to get over yourself. You chose to enlist knowing you'd go over there. War is hell. Is it easy for me to say that right now from the comfort of my home? Sure it is, but I've lived the military life from both sides so don't tell me I don't know. I just know in a different way.

I know what it's like to be on the phone with my loved one who is over there and all of a sudden he says, "Oh [BLEEP], gotta go" and drops the phone while I hear sirens going off in the background that indicate they're getting shelled or bombed. I didn't hear from him for 2 days. I know what it's like to hear all hell has broken loose in the area where they are, yet we're not given a SITREP. I've dealt with the PTSD, the nightmares, the depression my spouse had to go through, and if you think we don't deal with it, you're very, very wrong. I have stories of my own and don't tell me they are less important than yours.

I"m glad you wrote this. As a veteran myself, I did at times get a little put off by people "thanking" me for my service but as time marches on I have come to change my perception of it. Soldiers are a part of society and need to stay that way. They don't need to think that they are apart from the rest of us simply because of the job they are asked to do. While those of us in the civilian population need to support them as people, they as people also need to remember that they are a part of our population.

Again, thanks for writing this. I hope more people read it and gain a little perspective because of it.

You're welcome. And I agree with what you said.

No one is special when it comes to grief, trauma, depression, and all the other things one goes through to deal with an event that significantly changes a person's life. I didn't have to go to war to be so depressed and traumatized that I tried to end my life and deal with the aftermath of not being successful. Trauma is trauma and to the person dealing with theirs, it's no different in their minds than what our Troops struggle with.

Though our Troops deal with a great deal of things they don't own the corner market on it. I let my ex-husband deal with things as he needed to and supported him the best I knew how, but I didn't let him feel sorry for himself and fall into the mindset that so many fall into.

When I was in I thought, "no one will ever understand this life like me and the people around me", and I held civilians, family and friends at arms length because they didn't 'get it' so I can see how it could be an even deeper thought process when salted with time at war. 22 years later I still remember the camaraderie of boot camp and AIT and arriving at my permanent party unit ready to take on the world. I live near Fort Bragg and any time I get around a group of Soldiers for a period of time I feel very nostalgic. I totally understand the want and need of that feeling, of staying in that mindset, but it's not healthy.

I pray a great deal for our Troops and Vets. A great deal.

Thank you for posting.

For some reason it is very awkward for me when someone thanks me for my service. I cannot really specify why it is awkward it just is.

On the flip side of this issue, I've had people ask the oddest and sometimes very insulting questions.

One lady in particular asked " how many kids did you kill ?" I was stunned at first then I just laughed and said not enough.

We were on a plane and she was across the aisle from me.

So I guess it is better thank someone or say nothing then to insult them.

I had never thought when saying "thank you" it came off as not genuine, but I have wondered if service men and women get tired of hearing it. It does give me pause if I as a civilian should thank them or not?

To me when having an interaction and their in uniform I've always made it a point to say thank you. If they're in civilian clothing and don't bring it up (even if I know they're service men and women) I don't bring it up.

Quote:Thank you for posting.

For some reason it is very awkward for me when someone thanks me for my service. I cannot really specify why it is awkward it just is.

On the flip side of this issue, I've had people ask the oddest and sometimes very insulting questions.

One lady in particular asked " how many kids did you kill ?" I was stunned at first then I just laughed and said not enough.

We were on a plane and she was across the aisle from me.

So I guess it is better thank someone or say nothing then to insult them.

I didn't serve during war so I feel awkward when thanked because, in comparison to what those who did have done and gone through, I don't feel like I deserve thanks. But we all do. We did what many will not and signed our lives away to serve our country. Technically I am a Gulf War veteran though I wasn't deployed. I was told once I should put it on my resume and I said No. It would be a lie IMO. I don't need a parade or anything but I'm thankful when someone recognizes what we've done. It's no small thing.

As for the lady on the plane, I probably would have done the same as you did. Some people just aren't tactful.

Quote:I had never thought when saying "thank you" it came off as not genuine, but I have wondered if service men and women get tired of hearing it. It does give me pause if I as a civilian should thank them or not?

To me when having an interaction and their in uniform I've always made it a point to say thank you. If they're in civilian clothing and don't bring it up (even if I know they're service men and women) I don't bring it up.

I treat it the exact same way. I also don't go out of my way to interact with them as, to me it seems disingenuous. In addition I have no idea what they did/went through/saw or whatever. I don't want to be the one to bring the events back up if that makes sense. If their service comes up organically they get the much deserved gratification.

Quote:I treat it the exact same way. I also don't go out of my way to interact with them as, to me it seems disingenuous. In addition I have no idea what they did/went through/saw or whatever. I don't want to be the one to bring the events back up if that makes sense. If their service comes up organically they get the much deserved gratification.

Yeah I have one buddy I make it a point not to bring it up. Drinking one night he disclosed some pretty dark stuff and it seems to take him to a bad place. When with him I always try to keep things light and positive he just can't handle stress or conflict.

None of you should ever feel awkward about us 'civvies" thanking you for your service. Yes you made a choice to join, but there are a lot of us that maybe attempted to join and couldn't. Like me, I wanted to go to the Air Force, but I couldn't because of my hearing issues.

My grandfather, who's 84 years old, served 5 tours in the Korean War, 2-3 in Vietnam, and was a lifer military man. He is the first to go up to any veteran and genuinely thank them for their service. Even more so, he runs a charity called Americans Helping Wounded Veterans which is all about honoring and appreciating someone's sacrifice to their country.

Here is a link to an interview of him

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqJl8wDKUBQ

There's plenty of info if you want to know more on how you can contribute to the cause, message me, he's not the best of health and have to go through a different line of communication.

Be proud and know that those of us get what a lot of you in the service did for us, and let us thank you for that.

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Deacon

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northendzone

EricC85

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BigJag57