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Probably got your attention with the topic heading I'm guessing. It's just one of those words that strikes a cord in nearly everybody. Kind of a heavy topic but one that intrigues a lot of us and one of those topics we can all relate to even if we don't want to admit it. It's a terrible thing and probably a monkey on your back if you suffer from depression. I'm guessing many of you have been affected by it personally.



My best friend from college experienced a mental breakdown and committed suicide shortly after graduating college and less than a year after getting married to a beautiful, wonderful woman. This happened in 1995 and I'm still trying to figure it out or what I could've done differently to prevent it from happening. After experiencing this loss, I realized I could never do such a thing and put everybody around me through such terrible pain.



When I went through my teenage years, I thought about it a lot. I'm 43 now so it's hard to remember what was so awful in my life that would make me contemplate such a thing but it was bad enough to make me think of it. I've been though some bad stuff. As mentioned before, the loss of my best friend to this very subject, divorce, loneliness, depression, emptiness. However, I've never gotten to the point where I thought, "Yeah, I need to do this. Time to check out." I just can't get to that point and hopefully I never will. The low point was probably Christmas Day in 2004. I was recently divorced but had been dating a woman I was crazy in love with. We were only together a few months but I was convinced she was the love of my life. Well, a couple months later (right around the holidays) we're going through the inevitable breakup. I had a job I hated. I was renting a room from a friend waiting for the closing of my new home. He was a firefighter and happened to be working on Christmas Day. My son was with my ex. My GF was out of town visiting her dad but like I said, the writing was on the wall and we were through. The Jags played the Texans at home to clinch a playoff spot and lost. You name it. It was the lowest of the low. Christmas Day 2004 was by far the low point of my life but even then, I couldn't have killed myself.



Maybe it's having kids. Maybe it's aging and growing more mature. I'm not sure what it is but aging has a way of making those thoughts more distant. Life has a lot of ups and downs but if you hang in there long enough and do the right thing a helluva lot more than you do the wrong thing, things will have a way of working out for you. They definitely did for me. After the worst day of my life, I picked myself up and made something happen. Three years later, I married a wonderful woman and we just celebrated our 6 year anniversary in November. I have a great job now and make more money than I would've ever dreamed. I have a beatiful home and my son's growing up and in middle school now.



I don't say these things to brag about my life because that's not my intent. I say them because any of you that read that title and thought about that dark secret you keep need to know that it will get better and that thought you have is a bad one because all it does if carried out is cause pain to those around you for the rest of their lives. If you've experienced loss because of this tragic act, I feel your pain. I miss my buddy and always will. Jim Giacobbe was a wonderful, smart, hilarious, kind man. My life will always feel incomplete because of his passing but it's strengthened my other friendships. Prior to his loss, I took my friendships for granted. Not so now. I tell all my friends and family how much they mean to me and that I love them. It's OK to say it. They need to know.



The holidays have a tendency to make some very happy while it makes others the complete opposite. If you're the latter, please hang in there. I hope everybody has a wonderful holiday season and I hope this thread can create some perspective and solace for some of you.

When I was in 8th grade a kid that rode the same school bus with me killed himself with his dad's gun. He was only 14 at the time and I can't even remember the reason. Probably about a girl or family problems. It's sad to think that he thought the ultimate solution to his problems was to end his own life. Being a teenager sucks. It can be hell but to think he missed out on maybe a good 60-70 years on this earth. It's tragic.

I'd tell ya what I think about Christmas and the holidays, but I don't think I can do it without swearing and I don't feel like offending anyone..

Quote:I'd tell ya what I think about Christmas and the holidays, but I don't think I can do it without swearing and I don't feel like offending anyone..

 

I think I know what you mean here. I used to look forward to the holidays, now I dread them and cannot wait for January 2, when it will all be behind me.

Just over a year ago, my 6 year old sister came home from playing with her trio of friends next door and told my parents "____'s daddy is dead." They scolded her for saying such an awful thing, but my sister persisted, saying that's what they told her. When my mother called the neighbors to see if everything was alright, she found out their father had committed suicide. The mother and kids came home from a weekend with their grandparents and found him. He left behind 3 young children and a wife. From what I hear, that family had a 4th child who tragically died as an infant. This all took place in Sandy Hook, CT which, as I'm sure you all know, was the site of the worst school shooting in US history one year ago. I feel for those kids, so much tragedy to grow up with.

 

Anyway, I think suicide is a selfish and stupid act that only a coward would commit.

Quote:I think I know what you mean here. I used to look forward to the holidays, now I dread them and cannot wait for January 2, when it will all be behind me.

 

Yeah.. 

I have 2 very close family members that have attempted suicide more than once. I've heard some say a failed suicide attempt is nothing more than a cry for attention, but I believe this were all bona fide attempts at ending their life.

 

My first reaction was hurt, that people I loved and thought loved me wanted to leave this world and me behind.

 

Then I was angry at their selfishness.

 

After that, and to this day, I am just confused. I've never understood why they wanted to kill themselves, and neither want to talk about it now. It just makes me sad.

Quote:Just over a year ago, my 6 year old sister came home from playing with her trio of friends next door and told my parents "____'s daddy is dead." They scolded her for saying such an awful thing, but my sister persisted, saying that's what they told her. When my mother called the neighbors to see if everything was alright, she found out their father had committed suicide. The mother and kids came home from a weekend with their grandparents and found him. He left behind 3 young children and a wife. From what I hear, that family had a 4th child who tragically died as an infant. This all took place in Sandy Hook, CT which, as I'm sure you all know, was the site of the worst school shooting in US history one year ago. I feel for those kids, so much tragedy to grow up with.

 

Anyway, I think suicide is a selfish and stupid act that only a coward would commit.

While I understand and appreciate where you're coming from, I don't place judgment on people who commit this act. You don't really know what's inside somebody's head. They may have demons that you can't even imagine. That said, it's terrible to leave behind young children to pick up the pieces. If you're in that position and you have those feelings, either don't have kids or don't commit the act. It's gotta be one or the other.

I didn't click on this thread at first, second, or third. For personal reasons, and fear. Anytime I see the word "Suicide" it comes with a measure of pain. Even though that word brings a measure of pain, it is a less pain than before as more time has passed after each event (more so one in particular). Maybe the older you get, or the more people you know factors into the number of people you are connected to that have committed suicide. I am up to 5, and I have been close to being number 6 (I would have fell into the number 4 position) had I had the guts. I also can say I am distant acquaintances (or know of others) that weren't close enough to my core groupings of family/friends ...etc.
 
I can't come to the conclusion that Suicide is a selfish act, no matter how many times I hear that someone considers it a selfish act. Selfish is so far off base from my opinion that I kind of consider it a survival opinion of others as an emotional healing mechanism ... Or maybe an acceptance opinion? I don't know for sure, but Selfish isn't even a consideration for me when suicide is the discussion. I don't mean to come off like I know what I am talking about, just saying it like I feel it, and I hope no one takes offense to the way I feel.

I've had two friends commit suicide.  One was very close and the godfather of my oldest child.  I don't understand it.  I've been through some very low points in my life and the thought of suicide was never seriously considered.  Sure, it goes through everyone's mind at one point or another, but I always knew there was lots to live for and see and do.  I MUST to follow this road to the end, no matter what.

 

And that's all I have to say about that.

Quote: 

<div>I didn't click on this thread at first, second, or third. For personal reasons, and fear. Anytime I see the word "Suicide" it comes with a measure of pain. Even though that word brings a measure of pain, it is a less pain than before as more time has passed after each event (more so one in particular). Maybe the older you get, or the more people you know factors into the number of people you are connected to that have committed suicide. I am up to 5, and I have been close to being number 6 (I would have fell into the number 4 position) had I had the guts. I also can say I am distant acquaintances (or know of others) that weren't close enough to my core groupings of family/friends ...etc.
 
I can't come to the conclusion that Suicide is a selfish act, no matter how many times I hear that someone considers it a selfish act. Selfish is so far off base from my opinion that I kind of consider it a survival opinion of others as an emotional healing mechanism ... Or maybe an acceptance opinion? I don't know for sure, but Selfish isn't even a consideration for me when suicide is the discussion. I don't mean to come off like I know what I am talking about, just saying it like I feel it, and I hope no one takes offense to the way I feel.
 

</div>

 

 

I think there are circumstances where suicide could be seen as a selfish act, if committed by someone with a family that loves and needs the support of that person... for example....

 

but I also think it is not really all that selfish of an act by someone who otherwise is alone and perhaps feels unloved or otherwise worthless. 

This thread brings back some painful memories (and a wicked flashback). A good friend of mine commited suicide back in 84, It was Jan. 22nd to be exact, Superbowl Sunday. The LA Raiders just beat the Washington Redskins and my friend was a BIG TIME Redskins fan. I guess that's why I volunteer my time to an online Suicide prevention chat room as a certified suicide prevention councilor. Never play that "what if" game about it, there is never enough "what if's".

I want to thank the OP for posting this.  My family lost my bro-in-law to suicide.  My wife and I have worked with AFSP (American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) here in Jax for many years.  I was so surprised after we lost my bro-in-law how many people had suffered a similar loss.  Unfortunately, suicide is something no one wants to talk about.  I am glad this thread got posted because most people don't understand that the overwhelming majority of suicides are the result of mental illness and that the more we talk about it, the less "odd" it becomes and hopefully people will begin to understand it is something we can work towards preventing. I know for a fact that the local (Jacksonville) chapter is in dire need of people to help out with their cause.  If anyone reading wants to volunteer, please send me a message and I can get you in contact with the local president (not sure how you get a personal message, but I see other people say that a lot) and if you are suffering from depression please entertain the suicide prevention lifeline (1800-273-TALK) or visit www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.  

I've been low but I can't imagine being that low. I can't condemn someone but I don't understand it.

Quote:I've been low but I can't imagine being that low. I can't condemn someone but I don't understand it.

 

I can't personally understand those who take their own lives when they have loving families who respect and very much need them -- although with the presence of certain mental disorders, circumstances become a moot point -- but we don't all have that; in fact, some of us have nothing of the sort.  I've "been there," more times than I can count... and as bad as I know it sounds, constant intense substance abuse has always sort of been my only savior.  Subsistence in unending dissipation is my key, but most people don't have that, or don't want that, as pernicious lifestyles can be so off-putting.  "I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs, or insanity for everyone; but they've always worked for me."  

 

I really like the fact that this thread exists, and for the most part I'm really enjoying/respecting the replies.  That is all.