11-05-2016, 10:44 AM
EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE, knows Gregory Olson, Father of the famous Olsen twins (Spelled their last name different so they would have a chance in life) is the worst football person to ever exist. He thrives off of going against what his great leaders, in this case GUS "Casey" GOATley, wants for the team. After a mere 23 games, GUS had enough. Now, GUS likes to give everyone a good chance to prove their worth (Think Gratz and Skoota), so this makes sense. GUS specifically told Gregory that if the team scored 0 points in the first half of the first three away games this year, he would be gone. As this came to fruitation (NOT FRUITION), GUS had no choice. GUS, now once again, is searching for an OC worthy of being on his coaching staff. As most people know, Gregory's replacement, "NATEY HACKET" is widely regarded as the Joe Montanya of 2016. He has done excellent worth with Blakey-Poo as QB coach, and now he will be allowed to have an even much greater influence on this team. If GUS cannot succeed with NATEY as OC, it might be time to stop giving GUS extensions. But, as my calculations go, GUS should still have 3 more chances at new OCs so we can safely say he has been given a fair chance. After all, there are over 7 billion people in the world, and we are saying he only gets to pick 2 of them??? He should get at least 5, which coincidentally is the number of fingers most people have on one hand.
Now, the defense remains an issue, because it seems no one is capable of running GUS's exquisite scheme to perfection. Not even GUS himself. However, this is probably because the players and not the coaches. The players are too busy eating swedish fish and drinking Everclear to practice, and it shows. This is how you end up with situations such as Malik "Unsportsmanlike Conduct" Jackson covering the TY Hilton's of the world. The combination of sugar rush and being extremely inebriated makes the players on defense think they can do anything they set their minds to, and that is just not possible. Gus should make it clear to the players that being drunk during the game is not OK unless they are drinking Bud Light, official adult beverage of the NFL. If something is the official "_____" of the NFL, then it makes you better at football, as many studies have shown.
Lastly, we get to special teams. GUS has shown extreme brilliance by allowing a left-footed punter to "try-out" this week because Kansas City's team has a left footed punter. As everyone knows, left-footed punters actually punt backwards, and without getting plenty of practice, the punt returners on the Jacksonville Jaygwires would have no chance of even catching the ball because they would be on the wrong side of the field. This is a brilliant strategy and negates the only potential advantage Kansas City has.
The Jaygwires do have some luck on their side. As everyone knows, ex-coaches of a team win 99.9999% of the time against their former team. GUS had no chance the past two games, PERIOD. You can't deny math boys.
I am predicting a 23-21 victory for the Jaygwires, with the Jaygwires getting a GW Safety with :32 seconds left in overtime. After all, under GUS's great teachings, the Jaygwires were able to get a safety against Kansas City in their last meeting. Now, was that a coincidence? I think not!
Now, the defense remains an issue, because it seems no one is capable of running GUS's exquisite scheme to perfection. Not even GUS himself. However, this is probably because the players and not the coaches. The players are too busy eating swedish fish and drinking Everclear to practice, and it shows. This is how you end up with situations such as Malik "Unsportsmanlike Conduct" Jackson covering the TY Hilton's of the world. The combination of sugar rush and being extremely inebriated makes the players on defense think they can do anything they set their minds to, and that is just not possible. Gus should make it clear to the players that being drunk during the game is not OK unless they are drinking Bud Light, official adult beverage of the NFL. If something is the official "_____" of the NFL, then it makes you better at football, as many studies have shown.
Lastly, we get to special teams. GUS has shown extreme brilliance by allowing a left-footed punter to "try-out" this week because Kansas City's team has a left footed punter. As everyone knows, left-footed punters actually punt backwards, and without getting plenty of practice, the punt returners on the Jacksonville Jaygwires would have no chance of even catching the ball because they would be on the wrong side of the field. This is a brilliant strategy and negates the only potential advantage Kansas City has.
The Jaygwires do have some luck on their side. As everyone knows, ex-coaches of a team win 99.9999% of the time against their former team. GUS had no chance the past two games, PERIOD. You can't deny math boys.
I am predicting a 23-21 victory for the Jaygwires, with the Jaygwires getting a GW Safety with :32 seconds left in overtime. After all, under GUS's great teachings, the Jaygwires were able to get a safety against Kansas City in their last meeting. Now, was that a coincidence? I think not!
![[Image: giphy.gif]](https://media.giphy.com/media/TbeZPzVbSuNLa/giphy.gif)
