So I'm in a unique situation at 32 years old where i have the prime opportunity to like totally reinvent myself. There's 2 options here. I can remain here in Indiana, close to my son, whom lives with my ex full time, and go to school. Or move back to Florida, which would be much cheaper, and go to school. It would be a temporary thing till I got my bachelors to which ultimately I would move back into the area, if I lived in Florida. What should I do? I feel bad to leave my son, but I feel my greatest chance of success would be to come home for awhile and be around family to help me restart. I'm leaning more towards that ad I grew up just fine without my father as a constant in my life, but I don't want my son to think that I'm abandoning him. However, I feel like long term it'll be a greater example to him for me doing what I must to be successful.
Just sit down and explain to your son what you need to do if you choose to go back to Florida. Depending on his age, I'm sure he'll understand.
As a parent, I could never move away from my young child like that. A kid isn't going to look back at his childhood and say "dad wasn't around, but at least he was successful".
Dad gave me up but at least he got that University of Phoenix degree!
I'd say stay close to the young'n too.
Quote:Dad gave me up but at least he got that University of Phoenix degree!
He wouldn't have to move to do that.
IF you choose to move you need to bust your [BLEEP] to get back there as soon as possible. You dont get many years with your children and you'll inevitability regret that missed time when they are older. Make sure its short and really worth it.
You may regret the move. No one on their deathbed said, hmm..wish I'd worked more. My two cents? Stay there, find other options, guide your son through life. What if..and I mean if...something happened to the Ex? Then what? Half way through your endeavors you'd have to go back.
Dont look at the easiest or cheapest way. Trust me, these young uns grow fast. You dont want to miss it
You can get a degree anywhere.
You can't make up for lost time with your son.
Quote:You can get a degree anywhere.
You can't make up for lost time with your son.
^This^
Astutely put.
Your kid comes first you can reinvent yourself when your done raising that kid.
Oh and success is being a good father not just a biological dad.
What makes the cost of living so much cheaper in Florida?
Hard to answer without more info.
How involved with him are you now? You said she has full custody?
Are you starting school from scratch or do you have like 3 years completed already?
Is it plausible to spend a weekend a month with your son?
How is your relationship with his mother? Will she support this? He will pick up on her feelings towards you doing this. If everyone is on the same page it will make the whole situation much easier.
If you're not around, does he have a decent father figure involved in his life?
I do agree with the folks saying you only get so many years with a young child, but I also think it's not just as simple as stay near him no matter what. If you believe this will lead you to be a happier or more stable father for your son, I think it should be considered. Especially if you can maintain some kind of regular (albeit diminished) relationship with him for the duration.
If you decide to do it, make it worth it and follow through.
As a dad, and without knowing what compelling reason makes you believe you'd be more successful completing your degree away from your son, my advice would be to git 'er done as close to Jr as possible.
Everyone here has valid points. As someone who has never raised a kid I can't identify with that part of it. As a person who had a 'weekend warrior' dad from the age of 5, I say be close to your kid. Not only do you not get those years back but the kid doesn't either.
I'd say it's a no brainier. Stay with your son. Get your degree near him. I'm not sure I'd use the words "prime opportunity". If you ask me you've got a prime opportunity to be near your son and spend the time you can with him and be a good father and show him first hand what hard work does. Otherwise, you move away and all you'll be is the guy that sends the child support checks each month that wasn't there in his life.
Excuse me if I am incorrect. Were you the poster a while back who's wife was engaged in a affair with another woman? If so....they still awarded her primary custody?
On topic, I would stay close to my child.
Quote:Excuse me if I am incorrect. Were you the poster a while back who's wife was engaged in a affair with another woman? If so....they still awarded her primary custody?
On topic, I would stay close to my child.
I believe you are correct.
I don't think that in 2016 being gay/lesbian makes one unfit to be a parent. Or at least in the eyes of the law. I was thinking the same as you.
Then, I started wondering if he was just looking for validation from others to up and leave. Seems like most everyone who has posted said similar things. Which makes me wonder if we need more info.
I'm not going to pretend I know the OP from what I've read on a MB. So I'll give benefit of the doubt. But is he happy in life? A good father? Or is he miserable after what life has dealt him or a father that hasn't been the best or possibly even thinks of child as a hinderance (sp?) to his life. Idk. If the latter half is true, then father and child may better off be apart. But if he truly cares and has gotten over the split up with wife and life is otherwise good then, he'll yeah you stay. Not even a question.
Quote:I believe you are correct.
I don't think that in 2016 being gay/lesbian makes one unfit to be a parent. Or at least in the eyes of the law. I was thinking the same as you.
Absolutely correct. It was not my intent to say that it is at all. The fact she was engaged in a affair outside of marriage was more along the lines I was thinking might influence custody decisions.
Quote:Absolutely correct. It was not my intent to say that it is at all. The fact she was engaged in a affair outside of marriage was more along the lines I was thinking might influence custody decisions.
That usually has no effect on custody issues.
Quote:Absolutely correct. It was not my intent to say that it is at all. The fact she was engaged in a affair outside of marriage was more along the lines I was thinking might influence custody decisions.
I know in the UK this doesn't apply.. Affairs have no bearing on the outcome of a custody issue.