I was looking on youtube for something and there was a video from CNN's live coverage of that day starting at 0950. It never occurred to me to look it up, live coverage of that day. We had one choice on Armed Forces Network in Germany and that was The Today Show and their coverage. I decided to watch the CNN coverage until a few minutes after the second tower was hit and the CNN folks wondered if there was communications issues between the planes and air traffic control. In my memory Matt and Katie immediately said "terrorist related" or "no accident," so I looked up NBC's live footage and it was as I remembered. 

It was tough to wait for the second tower to get hit because I knew it was coming. I could actually feel anxiety while watching it. Back in Germany in 2001 at about 1500hrs, 0900EST, AFN had just finished the broadcast of the Monday Night Football game when they switched to NBC's coverage and I initially thought they were talking about the trailer to a new movie until I realized I wasn't by the language Katie and Matt was using that had nothing to do with movies. Then I saw the second tower explode and I knew [BLEEP] was hitting the fan. 

As I sat here yesterday with all my thoughts and feelings of 9/11/01 and then seeing the footage of the towers burning and falling I remember how innocent we were as a country on that day prior to 0846hrs. And even so the rest of the day as we watched in horror the events that would change the landscape of this country forever and on many levels. This anniversary has been tough, and that was before watching the footage. I've been tearful and outraged about those I've lost in OIF/OEF, the absolute destruction of that day just overwhelmed me, the fact that so many service men and women have not only died, but so many more have been ravaged by multiple deployments (IMO because politicians were too much of a [BLEEP] to enact the draft but that's a whole other discussion), families destroyed by all that entails, etc. Yesterday was tough. And that was all before I watched any footage. Watching it kind of numbed the emotions. I guess because it took me back to then, as it was happening, and I didn't know of the carnage that would come later. 

I still have all the magazines I could get my hands on in Germany. Life, People, Newsweek, Entertainment Weekly, Stars and Stripes newspapers, etc., but it's not the same as seeing the actual footage. I look at the magazines on some anniversaries just to read the information we had at the time and think about everything we know now and everything that's happened in between. I'm usually sad or thoughtful on The Day but this is the first year I have felt such a real anger. I didn't know what to do with myself so I went out and raked pine straw up in my yard and burned it and let my anger burn with it. 

I don't know why I'm sharing this here other than I just needed to get it out of me. I think it was Drifter who said yesterday he was feeling angry too, but I think maybe he's just angry all the time. I don't know.... Now I've overwhelmed myself again so I'm going to let this stand as is and go cry. 

"Never Forget" aren't just words folks. Too many people have lost too much and too many have died for those to just be words we use once a year on the worse day in this country this century.

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