First I'd like to say if you or someone you know is experiencing symptoms of depression or other mental illness, please reach out to someone. Please get help. 1-800-950-6264 is the number to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and they can direct folks to local mental health resources. 

Her name was Lee.


A beautiful young lady took her own life over the weekend. She was young, a free spirit, smart, funny, loving, beautiful, adventurous, sensitive and strong. She loved people and wanted to be among her friends and family all the time. She was living a full life and had a bright future full of endless possibilities. Then the pandemic hit and everyone went into lockdown. She stayed with her parents and had access to friends and family over the internet and at first it was enough. No one thought this nightmare would go on, but it did. The longer she was cut off from people, the more sad she became until it turned into a deep clinical depression. She sought help and was treated both as inpatient and outpatient and seemed to turn a corner at the end of 2020. 

She made plans, she was among friends and family again, her future was starting, she was still under the care of her psychiatrist. She was hopeful. Until she decided to take her life over the weekend. 

We connected online initially over shared interests and then over our shared experience with depression. I thought she was doing better. To look at her and spend time with her you wouldn't know. You wouldn't know that she was still fighting against that black hole of depression. You would see a glimpse of something here and there that showed she had been through the tough times she had, but she also had that passion and fire and drive back. She was going to conquer the world. Instead, the depression conquered her. 

This is why I will never discount how someone feels. This is why when someone says they are feeling depressed, I pay attention. If they say they have had suicidal thoughts, I pay attention. And you should too. In 2020 there was a 24 percent increase in emergency room mental health visits for children ages 5 to 11, compared to 2019. Among adolescents ages 12 to 17, that increase is 31 percent. One in four young adults committed suicide last summer. I haven't found numbers yet for midlife and seniors but I can't imagine they're much better. 

An unintended consequence of trying to save lives. (Leave your personal and political feelings out of this regarding their intention.) Mental illness and suicide have become its own pandemic crowded out of the spotlight by police shootings, riots, protests, elections, vaccines, and everything else. When will these lives matter?

---

January 22nd, 1984, Superbowl Sunday........ Redskins vs Raiders....... Had a bet with  good friend of mine on that game, I picked the Raiders to win........ I never had the chance to collect...... Got a call later that evening from my Aunt, said my brother was on the was in....... It seems a 19yo friend who I had the bet with blew his own head off with a 20 guage shotgun...... I had the misfortune of telling another close friend about it...... I still relive that day at times when I'm under stress...... TO this day we do not have the answer to why he did it...... Guess I'll have to ask him when I catch up to him in hell

---

You know trouble is right around the corner when your best friend tells you to hold his beer!!

I'm sorry you had to experience that. There never is an answer that we can comprehend this side of heaven. Or hell. My first experience with death/suicide was the twin brother of a boy I had a crush on in high school. I was 16 and they were 17. We were all great friends. There was no sign of what was to come. I found out at school during homeroom announcements and was devastated. To this day his brother has no idea "why."

My second was my uncle. Ten years ago he was found dead in a motel room with his suicide note scrawled on a pizza box. It didn't explain anything. He had mental health issues but no one saw suicide coming.

Again, a reason why I take it seriously when someone is talking seriously about feeling depressed and such.

---

January 22nd, 1984, Superbowl Sunday........ Redskins vs Raiders....... Had a bet with  good friend of mine on that game, I picked the Raiders to win........ I never had the chance to collect...... Got a call later that evening from my Aunt, said my brother was on the was in....... It seems a 19yo friend who I had the bet with blew his own head off with a 20 guage shotgun...... I had the misfortune of telling another close friend about it...... I still relive that day at times when I'm under stress...... TO this day we do not have the answer to why he did it...... Guess I'll have to ask him when I catch up to him in hell

Maybe he didn't either. Depression is a real sickness. A chemical imbalance inside the brain. People cannot help being depressed and sometimes they don't even realize what they are doing. The sadness takes over and that's all they feel. Nothing else matters. They feel nothing other than the seemingly endless void of unhappiness that they are surrounded by. Some get help through therapy, but in the more serious cases, medication can help balance people out. If it goes untreated though, suicide is often the outcome. To withdrawn people or people who don't want to admit they suffer from this, because of the negative stigma attached to the disease, this can seem like the only way out.

---