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His wife had been artificially inseminated by a walrus with incurable halitosis.

Quote:His wife had been artificially inseminated by a walrus with incurable halitosis.

 

The walrus, who was in town filming a movie, was quickly forgotten, but the baby would forever be known as Tin Cup.

Quote:The walrus, who was in town filming a movie, was quickly forgotten, but the baby would forever be known as Tin Cup.

"The cup" is approached by a fine lady and asked, If you're such a legendary golfer, as everyone says...then why are you, at your age, out here in the sticks...operating a barely-solvent business, ducking the IRS...collecting a few dollars for beer when you're capable of much more?

Quote:"The cup" is approached by a fine lady and asked, If you're such a legendary golfer, as everyone says...then why are you, at your age, out here in the sticks...operating a barely-solvent business, ducking the IRS...collecting a few dollars for beer when you're capable of much more?

TC thought for a moment, slowly scratched himself and answered with a resounding "BecauseJaguars".

Welp.

That was all that was written on the tramp stamp she slowly revealed with a cautious grin.

Here I come to save the day!

TC then picked up a 7-iron and swung it slowly back and forth with a wistful look on his face, at which point, with tears in his eyes, he suddenly blurted out,

Here's Johnny!

Quote:Here's Johnny!

And the woman asked, "Where?"

And that is when he had a stunning revelation...

He had grown a lobster tail.

And then the woman asked "anyone got some melted butter?"

Quote:And then the woman asked "anyone got some melted butter?"

 

To which TC responds in this best Austin Powers imitation, "Oh, you naughty, naughty girl."

Quote:To which TC responds in this best Austin Powers imitation, "Oh, you naughty, naughty girl."

 

And magically there appeared another naughty girl with a tail.................

 

Which immediately elicits the old joke about a guy sitting at a bar whose head is too small for his body.

Who immediatley asks "Where's the tarter sauce?"

The question echoed throughout the empty room, for the bartender, having spotted the sultry mermaid washed up on the beach, had already left with a hastily prepared mixture of vodka, peach schnapps, cranberry juice and orange juice, shaken and served over ice.

Scowling at the concoction, the mermaid mono toned "I don't drink."

"Rubbish," replied the bartender, "I'll bet you drink like a fish."