I have a very good friend who is slowly killing himself with his lifestyle choices. To be specific, he is eating himself to death. We play golf together, and he has gotten to the point where he pronounces himself "whupped" after just a few holes. We're riding in carts! Now he says he is thinking of giving up golf. I feel like I am losing my golfing buddy and a very close friend because he chooses french fries and donuts over golf. I really think he is going to die young if he doesn't make some serious changes.
What to do? Have any of you ever had a friend who seriously needs to eat better and exercise more? Do you talk to them about it? How can you tell a friend "You need to go on a diet. You need to give up the french fries."
Seriously, how can someone choose french fries over golf? That's mind boggling. He's an intelligent guy. Surely he can see this. Do I need to give him a little push in the right direction? Or is it none of my business how a person treats their own body?
If he's a very close friend then tell him straight up. That's what very close friends do.
Does he have children? A wife? Is he obese or just overweight? Any diagnosed heart conditions?
Also, where do you play golf mostly?
Close friends cut to the point. I'd tell my best friend. "Look, you're getting fat bro... like..can you even see your land from the down under without a mirror? You need to stop before your blood becomes mayonnaise. Look, I'll make a deal with you. If you can lose two to three pounds a week. I'll buy your round of golf and a cheat meal every three weeks. That way you're giving yourself a chance to shed 9 to 15 pounds before causing havoc again with sugar and carbs. Let's get you on a good protein and clean carb diet and hit some weights together man. If not, you're going to die dude. And I can't have that. I love you bro. No broke back. Ok, maybe some broke back. But you're my brother under the skin man. Please try."
"How can someone choose French fries over golf"
Because food can be an addiction, just like drugs or alcohol. Except with the drugs and booze, you can go the rest of your life and never touch them again, but you always have to eat. Could you image being an alcoholic and having to drink a little every day just to live? Your friend is aware of what the food is doing to him, but it might be something that he is unable to give up on his own without help. Don't just go at the guy with "you're fat and need a diet", that's just gonna make him shut down and be mad at you. Tell him you're worried about him, go at it from a place of love. My aunt found help at Overeaters Anonymous and Weight Watchers , being able to talk to people dealing with the same issues seems to help her.
Be honest with him. Abd tell him why. Say you're wanting to help him out. If he's married, tell his partner. Or if you guys are amongst a group of friends, tell the other friends and yall have a sit down conversation about it. And emphasize that you want to seem him get better is all.
Quote:I'd say tell him but you never know how someone will react to it maybe talk to his family.
Here's a helpful link for losing weight.
<a class="bbc_url" href='https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/wiki/index'>https://www.reddit.com/r/loseit/wiki/index</a>
This is a fantastic reddit. Thanks for posting.
Be straight up.. even if he reacts to you poorly, if would show that he's taken in what you say... If he doesn't take it in, he won't respond at all..
Just go for it.
Could be he's depressed. People make very poor choices when they're depressed. If it's that or a food addiction the root of the problem needs to be discovered before headway can begin. Talk to other family and friends and see what you can learn from them.
A conversation starter like- "hey I'm concerned about John and his weight issue/eating habit/lifestyle choice (however you want to word it). Do you know of anything going on that may be causing this?" Sometimes people tell some friends/family things they won't tell other friends/family due to shame, fear of judgement, etc. Definitely try to connect and make a plan of action of some sort to approach him and get help.
Quote:Close friends cut to the point. I'd tell my best friend. "Look, you're getting fat bro... like..can you even see your land from the down under without a mirror? You need to stop before your blood becomes mayonnaise. Look, I'll make a deal with you. If you can lose two to three pounds a week. I'll buy your round of golf and a cheat meal every three weeks. That way you're giving yourself a chance to shed 9 to 15 pounds before causing havoc again with sugar and carbs. Let's get you on a good protein and clean carb diet and hit some weights together man. If not, you're going to die dude. And I can't have that. I love you bro. No broke back. Ok, maybe some broke back. But you're my brother under the skin man. Please try."
Eloquent and respectful. Well said.
I let my friends be.. None of my business and not my place..
All that sad stuff aside, I was half expecting the loch Ness monster and it wanting tree fiddy
I still can't decide what to do. I guess that means I should do nothing for now. Thanks to everyone who posted.
Quote:I still can't decide what to do. I guess that means I should do nothing for now. Thanks to everyone who posted.
I'll tell ya this much.. He's an adult and is capable of making his own decisions. Be his friend and that's all you should do, imo..
I'm kinda with winger on this one. Though, I think it's cool to bring up the topic one time.
And leave it alone unless he brings it up again.
He's a grown man, but he made need a nudge. Tell him why you're concerned, and that you're bummed out that you guys won't be hanging out as much anymore.
Then, it's in his court after that.
Seriously, I think you'd beat yourself up more if you never brought it up and your fears become realized.
Quote:I still can't decide what to do. I guess that means I should do nothing for now. Thanks to everyone who posted.
Take his fat butt to the gym. Take him hiking. Play him one on one in basketball. School him hard.
As others have stated, he probably is depressed to eat like that. If he stopped caring, probably depression caused it initially. Then it's almost like a drug addiction. Eating food releases endorphins, so by default it makes you happy.
Guy needs to replace current "happy" stimulus (which is short lived) with a genuine happy stimulus like sex and working out or even just running.
Changes will trigger other changes for the positive
Quote:I still can't decide what to do. I guess that means I should do nothing for now. Thanks to everyone who posted.
Maybe this will help. I have a morbidly obese friend (about 5'8" and 400lbs) and a few years ago he slipped at a gas station and tore his knee up. He rehabbed it but the doctor told him one more slip and fall/injury and he'll be wheelchair bound.
We have a mutual friend who is a dietician, and he offered to help him lose weight and make some healthy changes, and develop an exercise program suited for him, to which the guy agreed.
I think in the end, the guy lasted about 8 weeks on his program, with a registered dietician keeping personal track of him daily, before he gave up and went back to his old habits.
Personally, I feel like it's such a far-reaching life change, your friend will have to really, really want it for it to stick and take hold long term.
Ask him to help you lose a few pounds or to help you get fit. Might be easier for him to start if the focus is on you rather than him. Then as time goes by you could start a habit of working out together and such.