Saw this in my wife's Facebook feed and had to post it, might be the most accurate document ever written, ever.

 

sorry about the Caps but I don't feel like re-typing all that.

 

MAN RULES


AT LAST A GUY HAS TAKEN THE TIME TO WRITE THIS ALL DOWN

FINALLY, the guys' side of the story. ( I MUST ADMIT, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.)

WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE

NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE


THESE ARE OUR RULES!


PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!


1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.


1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.


1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.


1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:


SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!

STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!

OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!

JUST SAY IT!


1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.


1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.


1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.


1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.


1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.


1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.

IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.


1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.


1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...


1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..

PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.


1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.


1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..


1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.


1.. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.


1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.


1 .. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.


1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!


1.. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...


PASS THIS TO AS MANY MEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH...


PASS THIS TO AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE ITS TRUE!

---

Man Law: No Fruit in Beer!

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Columbus didn't ask for directions -- and they wound up lost, thinking they were in India when they were in South America.

 

I'm sure he told his mistress "Close enough."

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I was wrong about Trent Baalke. 

Columbus didn't ask for directions -- and they wound up lost, thinking they were in India when they were in South America.

 

I'm sure he told his mistress "Close enough."

 

That's the only one I don't follow, I always get directions I hate getting lost.

---

My favorite is the "Crying is blackmail"   it's so true

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With a GPS you don't even need to ask for directions most of the time anyway. 


We did get lost twice last year.  The first time because our GPS told us to "Keep going straight."  Only problem was if we kept going straight, we'd have drove right into someone's house.  The second time because i fell asleep, and my wife didn't know the way (and we didn't have our GPS with us).  We didn't need to ask for directions though, because I knew an alternate way (though I hadn't taken that route in about 8 years)

 

Crying really is blackmail though.  Though it's way worse with children when you are in a store and people are staring at you as if you are the worst person in the world for making your children cry.  Thankfully you stop getting that look once they reach a certain age.

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I was wrong about Trent Baalke. 

With a GPS you don't even need to ask for directions most of the time anyway. 


We did get lost twice last year.  The first time because our GPS told us to "Keep going straight."  Only problem was if we kept going straight, we'd have drove right into someone's house.  The second time because i fell asleep, and my wife didn't know the way (and we didn't have our GPS with us).  We didn't need to ask for directions though, because I knew an alternate way (though I hadn't taken that route in about 8 years)

 

Crying really is blackmail though.  Though it's way worse with children when you are in a store and people are staring at you as if you are the worst person in the world for making your children cry.  Thankfully you stop getting that look once they reach a certain age.

 

Just start crying with the kids, they usually stop and look at you weird and the people in the store go from disgusted to feeling pity for you!

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With a GPS you don't even need to ask for directions most of the time anyway. 


We did get lost twice last year.  The first time because our GPS told us to "Keep going straight."  Only problem was if we kept going straight, we'd have drove right into someone's house.  The second time because i fell asleep, and my wife didn't know the way (and we didn't have our GPS with us).  We didn't need to ask for directions though, because I knew an alternate way (though I hadn't taken that route in about 8 years)

 

 

Yeah.

 

Even when you're "lost", all you have to do is wait for that GPS to re-route it and you're home-free. 

---

Girlfriend: Do you think you might be busy this weekend?

   Me: I'm not sure just yet, why?

 

Girlfriend: I don't know, just wondering...

   Me: You're just wondering or are you trying to ask me if I want to do something?"

 

Girlfriend: I don't know... (pause)

Girlfriend: Dinner would be nice..

   Me: Ok, what do you feel like?

 

Girlfriend: I don't know.. (pause)

Girlfriend: What do you feel like?

   Me:  :/

---

That came from Mad Max. Here's the clip.

 

http://grooveshark.com/s/Mad+Max+25+Rule...XJIP?src=5

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What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.







 

My favorite is the "Crying is blackmail"   it's so true

Blackmail works.... :whistling:

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What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is agoin' on here???

The 'You have enough clothes', and 'Too many shoes' is the theme for my wife.

 

I always joke with her that she has so much clothing and shoes that she can start her own business. She gives me the "oh no you didnt just say that" look.

---

Whether someone has a liberal, or conservative viewpoint, a authoritative figure should not lock a thread for the sole purpose to get the last word in all the while prohibiting someone else from being able to respond.

The 'You have enough clothes', and 'Too many shoes' is the theme for my wife.

 

I always joke with her that she has so much clothing and shoes that she can start her own business. She gives me the "oh no you didnt just say that" look.

There is no such thing as too many shoes!!!

---

What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is agoin' on here???

I just pulled the "All statements are null and void after 7 days card" Man rules for the win!

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That came from Mad Max. Here's the clip.

 

http://grooveshark.com/s/Mad+Max+25+Rule...XJIP?src=5

 

This link blocked by the Korean Communications Standards Commission.  Apparently it's okay to sell knockoff goods by the literal ton from street side vendors, but it's illegal to access certain websites that offend their sensibilities. 

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There is no such thing as too many shoes!!!

 

or clothes, makeup kits, eyeliner shadow, purses, earrings. 

 

Typical feline card.

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Whether someone has a liberal, or conservative viewpoint, a authoritative figure should not lock a thread for the sole purpose to get the last word in all the while prohibiting someone else from being able to respond.

or clothes, makeup kits, eyeliner shadow, purses, earrings. 

 

Typical feline card.

You like us to look good...but don't want the stuff around that helps get there!!

---

What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is agoin' on here???

Good stuff. In this day in age, you really don't even have to ask for directions, GoogleMap is your friend. Crying is blackmail, I agree with that 110%.

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"What do I know of cultured ways, the gilt, the craft and the lie? I, who was born in a naked land and bred in the open sky. The subtle tongue, the sophist guile, they fail when the broadswords sing; Rush in and die, dogs - I was a man before I was a king."

You like us to look good...but don't want the stuff around that helps get there!!

 

I have nothing for that. At all.

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Whether someone has a liberal, or conservative viewpoint, a authoritative figure should not lock a thread for the sole purpose to get the last word in all the while prohibiting someone else from being able to respond.

I have nothing for that. At all.

Bet you're not complaining about shoes when Mrs Fried Chicken wears a pair to bed... :whistling:

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What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is agoin' on here???