It seems like she's already made her decision. Do you really want to be with someone that doesn't think they want to be with you and can fall into something so fast with someone else? Say she gets scared about going it alone and decides to stay with you...until the next time she's bored comes around and she's out looking for something exciting again.

The woman is not happy...she's not suddenly going to become happy. Even if she picks you, she might be able to fake it for a while...but she'll still be unhappy and this is all going to happen again.

 

After reading every post in the thread, this was the most salient I saw. IMO, If she's unsure, she is unsure only because of your history. Like Bunnie said, she clearly isn't happy with something, and that usually doesn't easily change.

 

My advice (regardless of the course you take) is to keep as even a keel as you can, both with her and your child. She will presumably still be in his life no matter what happens, and he is old enough to pick up on what's going on with each of you. She may not care, so that might mean you have to pull double duty to protect him from this as best you can. 

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Liberace disagrees.

Been using the ouija board again, huh?

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What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is agoin' on here???

Been using the ouija board again, huh?

 

It's just a hunch.

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It's just a hunch.

And probably a very good one too!! :thumbsup:

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What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is agoin' on here???

Yeah...man or woman, it doesn't matter if you're looking outside your marriage for happiness....unless you have that kind of arrangement with each other before hand. I'm not judging...that works for some couples.

 

That wouldn't work for me. It may work for some couples but IMO, it kind of devalues any intimacy they have if either one can just go outside the relationship to get some. 

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That wouldn't work for me. It may work for some couples but IMO, it kind of devalues any intimacy they have if either one can just go outside the relationship to get some.

That's why you work all that out before hand...just so you know what you're getting. :thumbsup:

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What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is agoin' on here???

That's why you work all that out before hand...just so you know what you're getting. :thumbsup:

 

I'd imagine that'd be the case....but theres no getting around the devaluing of the intimacy. 

 

Remember that old line about "why buy the cow if I can get the milk at home"?.... (or something like that)

 

 

At that point you're pretty much just talking about a "relationship of convenience", no?

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I'd imagine that'd be the case....but theres no getting around the devaluing of the intimacy. 

 

Remember that old line about "why buy the cow if I can get the milk at home"?.... (or something like that)

 

 

At that point you're pretty much just talking about a "relationship of convenience", no?

I think it's "why buy the cow if I can get the milk for free"....

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What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is agoin' on here???

I think it's "why buy the cow if I can get the milk for free"....

 

LOL, yep....haha....I'm worse than Archie Bunker with messing up the actual words in phrases!!!  

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Once that trust is broken, rebuilding it is nearly impossible.  I know people who have suffered through the infidelity of a spouse, and it took them several years to work through their issues, but they've come to a place where they are at least somewhat past it.  I don't think the husband will ever fully be over it, and the wife still has her guilt issues, but they've somehow managed to remain married, and to find a new path. 

 

I know people who have had an open marriage, and they made it seem like they could manage it, but after a few flings, one of them came to the conclusion that she wasn't exactly cool with the whole lifestyle.  He quickly fell in line, but it did change their marriage, and they ended up having to go through counseling in order to figure their issues out.  Today they're happily married, and they've found other uses for their hot tub than having a swap meet. 

 

Personally, my wife and I have been through many things in our long marriage, but the one thing neither one of us has ever dared to do is stray, emotionally or physically.  I consider her to be my closest friend, and most trusted confidant, and the feeling is mutual.  If either of us ever did something to breach that trust, I'm not sure we could survive.  But, we have a healthy enough respect for each other to assure that this will never happen.  Plus, my wife is Portuguese.  They hold grudges, and the tempers run hot.  Sleeping with one eye open is not one of my strong suits. 

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Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Once that trust is broken, rebuilding it is nearly impossible.  I know people who have suffered through the infidelity of a spouse, and it took them several years to work through their issues, but they've come to a place where they are at least somewhat past it.  I don't think the husband will ever fully be over it, and the wife still has her guilt issues, but they've somehow managed to remain married, and to find a new path. 

 

Once trust is totally lost with someone, its very difficult if almost impossible to repair. Thats my experience, anyway.  


 

I know people who have had an open marriage, and they made it seem like they could manage it, but after a few flings, one of them came to the conclusion that she wasn't exactly cool with the whole lifestyle.  He quickly fell in line, but it did change their marriage, and they ended up having to go through counseling in order to figure their issues out.  Today they're happily married, and they've found other uses for their hot tub than having a swap meet. 

 

<b>I know I don't have the type of personality where I would deal with my wife going outside the marriage/ relationship for sex. And as said before, I'm not the type that has felt any need to do so either. I have gotten to a point before where I was in relationships and felt like I was starting to look at other women, but thats where I knew that I had to break it off with my current one, before starting up with another. 
</b>

 

Personally, my wife and I have been through many things in our long marriage, but the one thing neither one of us has ever dared to do is stray, emotionally or physically.  I consider her to be my closest friend, and most trusted confidant, and the feeling is mutual.  If either of us ever did something to breach that trust, I'm not sure we could survive.  But, we have a healthy enough respect for each other to assure that this will never happen.  Plus, my wife is Portuguese.  They hold grudges, and the tempers run hot.  Sleeping with one eye open is not one of my strong suits. 

 

Yep, what you describe with your wife is the kind of long term relationships I seek out with women. Unfortunately, haven't yet found that ~permanent~ one. 


 

Portuguese? No kidding. How did you meet her?

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Yep, what you describe with your wife is the kind of long term relationships I seek out with women. Unfortunately, haven't yet found that ~permanent~ one. 


 

Portuguese? No kidding. How did you meet her?

 

Duh...in Portland.

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Duh...in Portland.

 

oh, yeah....thats right.... I was just being dum again. 

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Its leaning towards separation ATM. I had a gut feeling she cheated on me and I was right. I have a gut feeling she's going to pick this chick too. Problem with kid is I have to be 100% flexible in terms of availability at my job and she has the kid friendly schedule. I've busted my tail for 2 1/2 years to get where I'm at. Once I complete my program I'll make an extra 10k a year. 5 years after that another 25k. In terms of looking out for me that's a big deal. We'll keep it friendly and professional moving forward and for now I'll stay in the area and see how that goes.

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We'll probably do some split custody but she will be the primary

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Its leaning towards separation ATM. I had a gut feeling she cheated on me and I was right. I have a gut feeling she's going to pick this chick too. Problem with kid is I have to be 100% flexible in terms of availability at my job and she has the kid friendly schedule. I've busted my tail for 2 1/2 years to get where I'm at. Once I complete my program I'll make an extra 10k a year. 5 years after that another 25k. In terms of looking out for me that's a big deal. We'll keep it friendly and professional moving forward and for now I'll stay in the area and see how that goes.

 

:thumbsup:

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Yep, what you describe with your wife is the kind of long term relationships I seek out with women. Unfortunately, haven't yet found that ~permanent~ one. 


 

Portuguese? No kidding. How did you meet her?

 

Through friends.  She's not off the boat from Portugal.  She just comes from a Portuguese family.  I didn't have to travel overseas to find her. 

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Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Its leaning towards separation ATM. I had a gut feeling she cheated on me and I was right. I have a gut feeling she's going to pick this chick too. Problem with kid is I have to be 100% flexible in terms of availability at my job and she has the kid friendly schedule. I've busted my tail for 2 1/2 years to get where I'm at. Once I complete my program I'll make an extra 10k a year. 5 years after that another 25k. In terms of looking out for me that's a big deal. We'll keep it friendly and professional moving forward and for now I'll stay in the area and see how that goes.

 

 

We'll probably do some split custody but she will be the primary

 

You do what you have to do to provide a stable environment for you and your child.  Your wife has clearly decided she's looking out for #1.

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Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Its leaning towards separation ATM. I had a gut feeling she cheated on me and I was right. I have a gut feeling she's going to pick this chick too. Problem with kid is I have to be 100% flexible in terms of availability at my job and she has the kid friendly schedule. I've busted my tail for 2 1/2 years to get where I'm at. Once I complete my program I'll make an extra 10k a year. 5 years after that another 25k. In terms of looking out for me that's a big deal. We'll keep it friendly and professional moving forward and for now I'll stay in the area and see how that goes.

 

....and this all started from a week ago?? Correct??? She allegedly never seen this person before last weekend?

 

This is just nuts. 

 

Any inclination that she's been unfaithful in the past? 

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....and this all started from a week ago?? Correct??? She allegedly never seen this person before last weekend?

 

This is just nuts. 

 

Any inclination that she's been unfaithful in the past? 

 

nope. This is the thing ultimately. I am one of those guys who believes 2nd chances. I'm willing to give her one and work it out, IF she's willing. She has until Monday when her family goes home. I've plead my case and there's nothing more for me to do. I'm fully prepared either way. 

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