I have an idea for a film that I would like to make.

 

It's set here in Jacksonville. It's about a giant shark that swims up and down the St. John's River eating manatees and capsizing just about every watercraft on the river. The people of Jacksonville are terrified when he devours two local radio phone-in fishing show hosts whole, boat and all on-air, and turn to the river keeper. 

 

He studies the giant shark's patterns of movement up and down the banks of the river and discovers that his behavior pattern is strictly limited to Sundays when the Jaguars are playing home games, and pinpoints his favorite spot is to lurk the waters outside the stadium where he likes to watch the game on the giant video scoreboard.

 

Amazingly, if the Jaguars win the shark returns up the St. John's and back out to the Atlantic without havoc, but if the Jaguars lose, he still swims out of town, but destroys stuff by tail-whipping it to pieces.

 

The river keeper's plan to solve the problem requires lots of lances and harpoons thrown from several bridges as the giant shark swims towards Orange Park.

 

Full of lances and harpoons, the giant shark accidentally swims into the Mayport Navy Basin where several guided missile cruisers on alert drop several depth charges which culminate is a dynamic finale where the giant shark explodes into shreds.

 

Sound's great doesn't it?

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