I lost my brother suddenly in 2017. Worst few subsequent months of my life, though I wasn't emotional the day I got the news as I was in shock. I remember calling my dad to relay the news that my brother, his only other son, was gone. I relayed the news calmly and my dad asked me to repeat what I had said and confirm by gone I meant gone gone and then he lost it on the phone and had his girlfriend drive him up from St. Augustine later that day because he was now in no state to drive. Unfortunately, my brother's passing occurred just 6 weeks after my wife and I brought our first child into the world which should have been a happier time. I would soon learn shortly after the day of shock how much and how easily I could cry my eyes out uncontrollably at hearing certain songs or having discussions about him and his life. I couldn't get past a couple of sentences without breaking down when relaying the news to friends and that same sequence happened with each friend I relayed the news to. It didn't get easier the 2nd or 3rd or 4th time etc. I remember going to my orthodontist appointment a few weeks after his passing. My brother also had an appointment scheduled at the same orthodontist set for a couple of weeks after mine. As I left my appointment, I relayed to the receptionist that my brother wouldn't be making his appointment and why and as the words left my mouth I abruptly rushed out of there to go bawl my eyes out in the car instead of in front of her. I'm generally the least outwardly emotional guy you'll run across, but losing someone close easily knocks down those protective walls.

A few days after burying my brother, I got a call from a friend the morning of the Metallica show at the Citrus Bowl in Orlando with an extra ticket asking if I wanted it. I asked him for a few minutes to consider the offer given my mental state at the time. The wife said to go, so I called him back and I went. It wound up being a great [BLEEP] show! I'd never seen Metallica before, but grew up getting into metal at a young age because of them. Had my brother still been alive, we'd have been trying to find a 3rd ticket because he would have been there too. If there's an afterlife, he was definitely there with me regardless. I remember tearing up a few times during the show with this thought in my mind. Very cathartic experience that particular show was for me.

Also, I lost my best friend suddenly at age 7. I remember my mom waking me one evening to tell me the news and I distinctly remember that cry, long ago as it was. It was like the universe had ripped a part of my soul from me, though I probably couldn't have put it into those words at that age. Same exact feeling with my brother.

[BLEEP] me, I'm tearing up just typing all this out.

---