(10-03-2024, 03:34 PM)jagibelieve Wrote: I personally will never go see a therapist again.

Many years ago my wife and I went (as directed when I was in the military).  It wasn't for "marriage issues" or anything like that, it was to "help" us deal with one of our children that was having some problems at the time.  After sitting with this "therapist" for around an hour or so she asked me to leave the room.  She then started telling my wife that I was an abusive person with "anger issues" and would abuse her sooner or later.  She was actually trying to persuade my wife to leave me.

35 years later and I have never once laid hands on my wife in anger.  Heck, I can count on one hand the number of times that my wife ever made me angry.

I'm sure that there are some therapists that really help people, but that experience turned me off as far as the idea.

You got stuck with a bad therapist.  Three things happened there.  Two were normal and one was very abnormal and bad. 

The first is, if someone's making you go to therapy, but you think it's dumb or a bad idea, you're not going to get much out of it.  You only get out of it what you put in, in terms of effort and openness.  Most people think it's like weightlifting or yoga and you can just go through the motions and get the benefit, but that's not so.  

The second is, if you're sending a kid to therapy, the therapist is going to focus more on you, the adult, teaching you how to talk to and understand your kid.  The therapist is likely just going to observe the kid and barely talk to them at all.  They're going to see you, the parent, as the one to work on.  Most people think kids are easier to change through therapy than parents.  That's not true, and therapists act accordingly.

The third is, obviously, your therapist decided to diagnose you as an abuser.  A therapist has to ask those questions.  However, they are not supposed to urge anyone to leave a marriage unless abuse is confirmed.  Your therapist was way out of line on that.

---