Quote:This whole paragraph is spot on but especially emphasize the highlighted part. 

Yeah, from experience, it's what keeps one up at night. Initially, it's the not knowing and the suspicion that something is going on. When it all comes to a head, it's the lack of your partner's integrity and respect for you and your relationship that carries the most weight. That and there's plenty of self-blame/doubt to go around too. It's easy as hell to slip into a regretful mindset and continuously live in the past. 

 

But as I said, if you want your marriage to survive, she has to as well. Right now, she might not be in that frame of mind (see the definition of infatuation) to do so right now, but that doesn't mean she won't be eventually once the guilt & regret settle in deep. That's when the repair can begin to occur - whereas you both work on your healing, and the overall strengthening of the relationship by fixing what was broken to begin with. In the lasting words of someone I know: "It's unfortunately a good thing that this happened."

 

My best piece of advice: get a therapist for you and another for both of you when the time is right. 

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