I have a confession to make; I am admitting that the world has passed me by. It has "moved on" as Roland of the White might say.

 

For all of my adult life, I have never paid much attention, nor given much credence to rumors and talk. The things people say are just words, hot air being pushed out in a specific way by another human. What are words really worth, other than to woo a woman? And that particular effort was focused on myself alone, and was not intended to change the world in any meaningful way.

 

I learned early on, through an amalgam of the lessons of the schoolyard and the young teen's workplace, that to focus on rumors and what peers said would only lead to ruin. I was never popular in school although I was noticed. I tried very hard to be popular but I realized that my hyperactivity and sense of humor was simply not going to let that happen. Once I realized this, I started watching the "popular" crowd and noticed that instead of taking risks and making stands, what they would do is sit and wait. They would be cool - and what better alternative term for "cool" exists other than "unaffected"? - and then when someone said something dumb or irrational, they would lash out. It's not abnormal and I'm sure it's been that way forever, but it struck me as odd. In order to fit in, they pushed others out.

 

I'm not judging them, especially since I wanted to be one of them but I did realize that it was not the life for me. I'm too active, I'm too hyper, I like to talk too much to ever be considered cool, and what use were those words anyway if they were to be summarily dismissed? So I took the stance that words didn't really matter, actions mattered. How people treated you and the things they did for you mattered. It comes across as holier than thou I guess, but it was an amazing truth to me. And what good is talking if you won't risk saying something stupid every once in a while? Why have your words held to such a strict standard of who you are? Not that we can say anything we want, but if you're afraid of saying something dumb, you may never think of something smart. Not incidentally, the "don't listen to rumors" strategy served me very well in the Service. Boot Camp is nothing more than a mental and social exercise regime where all kinds of pressures are applied.

 

Now that I've prattled on, let me get to my point; it seems as if the adult world has fallen back into the same style as my school days. What people say is considered "power" or even a lack thereof. What people post on Twitter is considered "important" and if you can't say something clever, just go attack somebody for no real good reason.

 

That's the world that I thought I had grown past and had put behind me; now it seems as if I'm the one behind. But that's okay, I'll just be here saying dumb things and being a little too loud and remembering to laugh at myself every once in a while. While you guys are in the real world, drop me a line every now and again would you? I enjoy talking to you.

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