Quote:First off, I'm sure that what is about to be said will probably in some ways annoy some posters with how they envision how they'd handle the situation. Surely, I was one of you before, however, being in the actual situation changes things. I do ask though, that you will respect my decision on how I feel it is best to handle this. 

 

So I basically gave my wife until today to tell me what she wants to do. The way I see it, if you give them a few days, and they WANT to work it out, they would tell you and she didn't. She actually made the decision to go see her tonight and go for a run aka spend time with her. So now I know what the true outcome of the relationship will be. 

 

From here though, I got a lot of feedback from members who kind of hit that bitter process of just being fast, relentless, and stone cold. For me, I've done a lot of research on the subject about women who didn't discover until later in life that they had this other side to them long after having built a great life with their husbands. This is not anything new really. I think in a lot of ways, this new person was able to fill a lot of empty things that I failed to fulfill in our relationship. Thinking back on it for the past 14 years we've been together, there were a lot of things that i could have done better to make it where we were really enjoying each other's life to the fullest. Now, i do want to stress that I am not taking all of the blame in this. One vital part of the relationship is to simply be open and honest with one another to the fullest about things we like and dislike, happy or unhappy about, etc. and we really didn't do a good job of that. 

 

We became pretty monotonous in terms of what we did. Monday-Friday it was work, gym, go home, eat dinner, sometimes watch a show, most of the time she was playing her games, I was playing mine. On the weekends we'd stay home(partly due to the fact we have a kid) and just go out every great once in awhile when we could find a sitter. Even then we did the boring dinner and a movie. Came home, did the wild thing and then rinse and repeat. Sure we had our occasional fun vacations, even went to Chicago for our 10 year anniversary. Looking at it here, that was a pretty boring life!

 

Throughout the weekend I had the opportunity to pretty much simmer and stew in the situation and spoke to a few members of my family about the situation. Probably not the best as many have had numerous divorces and were bitter and raged about how to do it. When she returns home tonight we are going to sit down and really have a discussion while openly communicating our feelings to the max. I don't want to put her in a situation where she's struggling mightily and vice versa.

 

At the end of the day she is my best friend and we do have a strong bond with one another. We adopted a kid together. I am going deep into my training program rotation that requires my fullest flexibility and to basically work it out in a way that is mutually beneficial for the both of us and to make the transition from married life to going our own ways as painless as possible, not just for us, but for our kid as well is by planning. What i mean is that I'm not going to kick her to the curb because then both of us are out of house and home as it requires both of our money to live where we are. She won't either for the same reason. What i will do is set it up in a way where we will remain on friendly terms, live in the same household to save up money, and then make preparations to move on from there.

 

I'm confident that many will disagree, and that's ok. I have never been one to follow the norm. At this point, my frame of mind about the situation has change from "oh my god you cheated on me, i hate you and will take everything!!" to "what can we do to make this situation and transition easy as possible on all of us so that we can move on with our lives".

 

Yes my heart is destroyed. i love her and hate her at the same time and that's typical in these situations. It will be painful and at times I'll probably let her know how [BAD WORD REMOVED] i am about the situation. At the end of the day, I have to do what I feel is best in this situation and i think that i have that in place now.