Quote:Do you have kids? I'm sure you I've read you say you do. So you should know that being a human being with your own interests and desires doesn't go away as soon as a kid is born.

 

You are confusing focus and priority. The kid is the priority. Every decision that gets made by most parents is with the kid as the priority. From what you eat to where you live and work to when you can go to the can. That doesn't mean life stops or that its wrong to put your energies or focus into other things sometimes when time allows, it just means there is less time in the day for anything that isn't about someone else.

 

I like Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones isn't suitable for kids, so I watch it when my daughter isn't around. If for whatever reason she is in need of my focus I won't watch it.

 

Going on a dating website when the kid isn't around is not that different. As long as Jr isn't sat on daddies knee scouring craigslist and new women don't keep appearing at the dinner table, the kid's situation is unchanged. Kids go to bed, kids go to school, kids don't come with you to work. Depending on the childs age, there is usually quite a bit of time in the day when you will not be directly watching over the child. Go on dating websites and or dates when the kid has gone to bed isn't going to cause any more waves than have already been caused by the parents splitting.

I do, and I knew the minute my child was born that my life and my priorities all changed in an instant.  That doesn't mean you can't have your own interests or desires.  But, when you've been in a marriage for a while, and kids are involved, and suddenly one spouse decides she's going off the reservation because she's not happy, and she wants to be satisfied elsewhere, that leaves one parent there to be the adult for the child.  Someone has to be the stabilizing force.

 

If both parents have decided "screw this, I'm going to do my own thing." the kid is the one who suffers.  When there's so much turmoil in a situation like this, it's tough to maintain the necessary focus to assure the child is insulated.  If they're so wrapped up in trying to find someone to make them feel better, they're nothing but selfish. 

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