I wrote this 11-12 September 2001. I was living in Germany with my now ex-husband. We were stationed there in Stuttgart. 

 

My 9/11

 

September 11, 2001 started out like any other day. I woke up, had my coffee and breakfast and watch a Monday Night football game. I was living in Germany at the time and the game was tape delayed to been seen on Tuesday due to the 6 hour time difference. I had just finished watching it when a news report came on saying something had happened at the World Trade Center in New York. Like anyone who lived through the media farce that was the OJ Simpson deal, I didn't give it much thought until I saw the second plane headed straight toward tower two. I watched in horror as the building swallowed the 747 whole. I quickly counted back 6 hours hoping it wasn't opening time for the offices in the building. It was. I couldn't take my eyes off of the TV screen no matter how hard I tired. I was hoping beyond all hope that I was seeing a movie with great special effects or someone was playing a trick on us. Neither was the case.

 

My husband Mike and I got married on September 10, 1999. We had missed our first anniversary because he was in Germany and I was still in the States. I had made plans for our second anniversary but those had to be scrubbed. He had to go to Battalion to grade physical fitness tests that day. He wasn't due back until sometime Tuesday so we made plans to go out on Wednesday. I bickered good naturedly about this but knew this was what his boss told him to do and you don't tell the Army no. We both felt badly about it but were just happy to be in the same country that year. All day Monday I was a bit sad, but being an Army veteran and now an Army spouse, things could be worse. I watched a movie that night and when to bed happy that I would see him the next day.

 

As I sat in my living room watching the ugliness unfold on television I felt the urgent need to call Mike on his cellphone. I went to a neighbors house to use their phone but no one was home. I went back to the house and prepared to deal with the tragedy alone. No one on the morning news shows was making sense. They said there was the possibly this was a terrorist attack. A what? Someone with NBC was talking to a guy at the Pentagon. He suddenly says he's heard a big boom. He thinks the Pentagon has been hit. What? That's impossible, I think to myself. You can't hit the Pentagon! What the hell is going on? I keep watching and listening. A plane has hit the Pentagon for sure. The President comes on the television to say there has been an apparent terrorist attack on America, then he heads off for parts unknown for security reasons. All of the airports have been shutdown and planes diverted to Cannda to land.

 

All of a sudden Tower One of the WTC begins to crumble. One hundred ten floors of steel and glass implodes on itself. Weren't there people still in there? People are running in the streets as fast as they can to get away from the debris falling fast behind them. Some people stand still to watch, either out of shock or morbid fascination. It's as balck as night and when the dust clears everyone and everything is covered in white. There are people screaming and crying, either in pain or because they just lost someone in the crush. I feel myself getting sick. I feel like I have a fever and that I'm going to throw up. Soon after a portion of the Pentagon collapses and I later learn that there were 74 active duty Army soldiers killed. I cry.

 

The White House and UN have been evacuated, there are Secret Service guys everywhere with high powered automatic weapons at the ready. For a split second I wish one of them would shoot me so I wouldn't feel this much pain. I have seen dead people before, I have a medical background, but I have never seen such devastation in my short life.

 

At approximately 10:30EST the second tower at the World Trade Center implodes. Surely they evacuated that building after the first attack- right? They had a twenty minute head start after the first plane hit the first tower. I learn later that people were told to go back to their offices, everything was okay. Now those people are dead. Secretary of State, Colin Powell, cancels a visit to South America and heads back to the States. Police confirm there was a plane crash in Pennsylvania. Was this part of the attack. I start to freak out- how many planes are in the air? Who will get hit next? From Louisiana President Bush promises that the United States will “punish those responsible”. I want blood. I want death to those who did this to my country. I want to kill them myself. This is war and the president as much as says so.

 

I go back to my neighbors house and are relieved they are home. I try Mike's cell phone. He's out of range. I try calling the company. Busy signals at every number. Duh. My neighbor is an MP in the same company as Mike. His sergeant comes over to say he needs to get his stuff together to go to work. I finally get ahold of Mike and am glad to hear his voice. He tells me to gather all of his stuff, he's going to be at work for awhile. I ride with my neighbors and when we leave we realize the MP's on duty are shutting the post down.

 

We have gone to THREATCON Delta.

 

When we get to Panzer Kaserne which is where the MP company is, there is a long line. They're checking every vehicle for bombs. We are blocking the roads and the Germans are getting angry., they don't understand- yet. It takes 45 minutes to go about 40 feet. We drop off the soldier and the gear and wait to see if and when they can come home. Tara, Rachel and I sit and talk about what's going on. The general idea is that someone is either really brave or really stupid. I choose the latter. You don't just some in and kill innocent people like that. It's inhumane as well as cowardly. This makes me think of Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer. Timothy McVeigh comes to mind and I will myself not to break something. I have such anger pumping through me. I don't want to alarm others so I make a few jokes about a piece of mail I had retrieved from Mike to ease the tension. We finally get word a few hours later that the guys can come home. Rachel leaves with her husband and Mike and I ride back with the Smiths.

 

When we get back to Robinson Barracks, the family area, Tara invites us to stay for dinner. Dinner? I haven't eaten all day. She cooks up some quick chicken and french fries. On any other day that combination would seem strange to me. That day I am just glad to be alive and to eat. After dinner we thanked them and left. Mike went to sleep as soon as he hit the bed. He had been awake for 20 hours.

 

I went back to the living room to watch the television I had left on when I left. Tom Brokaw from NBC was on. He wasn't telling me what I wanted to hear. It seems Osama bin Laden was the suspect so far. This was not a surprise to me. The fiend has been trying to kill us for years although I didn't know why. Before this day I was the typical American. I wasn't too concerned with other people's issues- I had plenty of my own to deal with. I never really watched the news either, too depressing. Now all I could watch was the news and as far as I was concerned, everything was my issue.

 

I stayed awake that night, getting more depressed by the hour. Not just because of what happened or what was being said, but because there were people trapped in those buildings. The rescue needed to hurry and get them out! I knew they understood this because they were doing the best they could. A media mouth at Ground Zero was saying there was about 300 resuce personnel missing. Apparently in the buildings when they went down. In my book they were instant heroes. They were estimating the missing to be in the thousands at the WTC, a couple of hundred at the Pentagon and Flight 93 that crashed in Pennsylvania had 38 people dead. So many innocent people. My blood ran cold and the thought of murder for these terrorists flashed through my mind again.

 

I went out to the nearest German cigarette machine just down the street. I needed to do something. I had quit smoking a few months back and had been doing really well with it, but not tonight. The cold air felt good against my hot skin and I took a deep breath to clear my head. I walked quickly and as quietly as possible, the roving guards were out and there was a curfew of eleven o'clock which meant I was breaking a federal law mandated by the command of the installation. I got my cigarettes and and I was walking back I heard voices. I stopped dead cold and listened to hear if they were the roving guards or someone else. Hearing American voices I sighed with relief and half walked, half ran home.

 

Back in the house I lit a cigarette and sat on my couch to hear more news. They still had not found anyone alive at any of the three sites. I said a silent prayer for the families and friends of those missing and went to bed.

 

September 12, 2001.

 

I awoke this morning as for a few blissful moments did not remember what I had seen on the news yesterday. As I lay there waking up fully it all came crashing back. I looked at the clock to see it read six o'clock. In the morning? I never wake up this early. I got up and started the coffee pot and turned on the television. It was midnight on the East Coast and the rescue crews were working by the light of huge spotlights. No one was found alive yet. [BLEEP]. I went through my morning routine with the words President Bush had quoted from the Bible the previous day.

 

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. I had heard the words before but never had they meant anything to me. Until now.

 

I watched the news for awhile then decided to go find a newspaper. On my way I decided to visit a couple that had just moved here. I figured moving here would be a shock enough, now they had armed patrols roaming around. As I suspected the wife, Elizabeth, was rattled. Surprsingly their household goods were being delivered and this seemed to keep her focused on something else besides the raping of our country.

 

We chatted for a little while and I said goodbye telling her if she needed anything to call me. I then proceeded on my quest to find a newspaper. As I walked to the store on post I looked around and was surprised to feel like I was in a Tom Clancy novel. Nothing seemed real. The cars in the parking areas looked distorted, the housing building looked like haunted houses. There was no movement except for the roving guards who asjed to see my military ID. I showed them my driver's license as well and we bid each other farewell. I knew I would see them again. I got to the store and remembered hearing on tv that all military stores would be closed. I looked for the newspaper stand and bought a paper. A guy came up and asked me if it was today's paper. I looked at the date and realized I had bought the previous day's paper. [BLEEP].

 

As I walked by the front door of the store a woman I recognized as an employee said the store was open if I wanted to come in. Checking my ID she offered her condolences on the tragedy. I said thank you and moved on. The paper had not come in yet so I bought a magazine instead. When I got home the magazine was forgotten as I watched the news reports coming in. I lit a candle for all of the victims of the attack and said another prayer for them.

 

I don't remember much about this day excpet sitting in front of my TV, afraid to do anything else. I do remember getting out read, white and blue cross stitching floss and making myself a friendship bracelet. My patriotism reaffirmed I grew angry. Angry at the terrorists who took so many innocent lives, angry at the government for not protecting us better, and most of all angry at God for letting this happen. There were so many hopes and dreams destroyed with the death of those people. I couldn't understand. Would I ever? I don't think so.

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