Thanks again everybody. It means more than you know. I am going home tomorrow, which is a good thing. I need that. Those who know me well know that I am an animal person, and have more than I should. I will go home with a broken heart though, as one of my dogs passed while I was hospitalized. Some here know that "Dakota" was my best buddy and last dog to die. I lost him 4 1/2 years ago on a rainy December 4. Losing another and missing the chance to say my goodbyes weighs on my heart and I find myself one step ahead of emotional disaster over it. But with life comes death. Every single one of us owes that tax one time. Knowing that doesn't make dealing with it any easier sometimes.....

 

I will move on though. I have more tests forthcoming. I have a lesion on my spine which will require a PET scan and analysis. Could be nothing, but could be something as well. Since they were already aware of the kidney problem, they likely were flagging everything and anything that looked remotely out of place. It's probably nothing. The pathology on my kidney should come back soon, but I won't get a formal rundown for another couple weeks. They will do it when I get my surgical staples removed. I have heard whispers from hospital staff in conversations come up from time to time. The catch phrase seems to be Renal Cell Carcinoma. That can be both really good and really bad. If it was contained, it's really good. If it made it out, it's really bad because it's very resistant to treatments. Chemo and radiation have had extremely bad results (less than 10% success rate) and that success tends to be short term.

 

So, I will continue to heal from this round of battle and go back to the waiting game. Once I know more, I'll share. If news is bad, I'm not sure how to tell everyone, because already battling one disease with terminal implications has been enough. It has changed me and people always ask where the old Dakota went, and sadly, that's the only answer I seem to come up with. That person has been steadily dying off for a few years now, and what's left  tries to make the best out of what's left over. If the weight gets to be too much, it may be time to just say my goodbyes and cash out. I don't know. I hope that it's not a question I have to ponder right now. I do have to be realistic and admit that it may be one I face. Nothing may change that.

 

Until then, I keep fighting the good fight and making the best of things. I've lost a lot of good friendships here, I know. I'm responsible for most of that. I know that too. Having said that, so many of you, many of whom I have never met even once, mean more to me than you could know. This is an experience I would never trade, regret, or do over differently.  I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am sorry for degrading to someone other than the person who so many grew to love years ago. It wasn't supposed to happen that way.

 

Well, that's about it. I'll keep everyone filled in about the rest of the ride, whichever direction it goes.

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