Quote:Dakota...what's the word, homey?

Thanks for checking, my friend.

 

I am having good days and bad days. Today was kind of a bad day, but those are bound to happen, so all I can really do is suck it up and soldier through the bad days.

 

I am on the rebound from another surgery. It turned out to be much more complex than they thought, and it took a lot of work to get me fixed up. What was supposed to be a 2 hour surgery or so turned into nearly six hours on the operating table. I made the surgeons earn their money that day, apparently.  I am starting physical therapy, and that can be tough some times too. Having my shoulder essentially reconstructed means I have a lot of rehab to get the use of my arm back. It's kind of a strange feeling knowing that a lot of that arm is fake now. They put in titanium parts consisting of rods plates and other similar stuff. Most of the top of my humorous has been removed and replaced. There is a lot of stuff that has to re-grow to that and so I feel very limited with what I can do with myself and it's sort of a helpless feeling.

 

I have started Chemo and radiation treatments as well. I am just getting started with it, so I don't know how it will all feel long term, but it's something I have to do.

 

As far as everything else goes, I am trying to keep a good outlook about things and a level headed attitude toward my situation. It can be tough some days. My prognosis isn't exactly very good. The 5 year survivability rate for people in my situation is less than 5%, so I have to be realistic about what my future holds. I am trying to keep my focus on making my death as easy as possible for those close to me, when that day comes. One thing I have always felt is that death is hardest on those who aren't the one who died. Dying is a pretty easy thing to do. Surviving the death of someone close is much harder. I want to find ways to be sure that it is as painless as I can make it for those close to me when that time comes.

 

I haven't thrown in the towel or anything, but I am a realist, and understand what is happening and what the most likely outcome is going to be. I'll keep fighting and doing what I can on my end to maybe make it through. I have had to devote most of my time to seeking all the assistance I can find to battle my cancer. My medical bills are over a quarter million dollars already, and my medications alone are over 12,000 dollars every month. It's a lot to worry about. I am lucky to have very good health insurance, but even the best insurance leaves a lot of money to be paid.

 

So, all in all, I'm hanging in there. I pop on here a couple times a week and read, but that's about it. I am trying to refocus some of my time on family and friends and my health. I'm still around, but in the shadows these days.

 

I'll try to pop in and keep everyone updated from time to time. I really want to thank everyone again for the thoughts and prayers. They mean more than anyone can know. So, until I write again, thanks again everyone, and GO JAGS!  It's good to see offseason going so well.

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