I think a lot of it has to do with the mindset of the home in which you were raised.  My mom and dad divorced and mom remarried when I was 6. He was a hard working man but also an alcoholic. When you're a sensitive natured kid the last thing you need is a home environment where you have to walk on eggshells so as not to upset the balance of things. I also have anxiety and depression (never talked about) which is never helpful in that type of home. I was bullied at school but never told the parents because I knew it would somehow be my fault. 

 

Us kids were never told to be good at anything. We were never encouraged to do anything. We were expected to get good grades, but college was never discussed. We weren't allowed extracurricular activities and almost no contact with kids our age that didn't go to our church. And our church was legalistic to the nth degree. I thought they were all bat poop crazy and left when I was 17 to live with my dad who was always in the picture but as a weekend warrior dad and he never wanted to be a dad so we were always friends.  

 

I was so unprepared when I was 18 and graduated high school. I had zero clue as to how the world worked or how people really were. I made so many bad choices because I no frame of reference and no guidance. The only thing I ever knew for sure is I wanted to serve my country in the Army and enlisted when I was 19. Other than that, every choice in my life until I turned 38 was based solely on survival. And it was a disaster to the point I tried to take my life 8 years ago this month and was hospitalized. Twice. I think if I'd had a different personality, a driven one, I would have had a different life. But I didn't. The only thing I was driven at was surviving. I made terrible choices and have suffered the consequences. I would never wish the first 38 years of my life on anyone, but I wouldn't change any of it either. It's made me be able to see things from multiple perspectives and feel compassion even when I don't agree with something or someone. I try to understand where people are coming from even if our POV don't align. 

 

So, I believe the upbringing of a child bears heavily on how they do in life. Things may still not work out as planned and people are always going to make dumb choices in their youth, but if you raise a kid in a positive environment with structure and love and guidance and realistic expectations, I believe they will ultimately succeed in life. Of course, sometimes detours just happen that throws everything out the window.

 

Thankfully time passes and people grow up. My stepdad quit drinking some time in the 90's. I have a great relationship with him and my mom and my dad. I am happily married and have now been in the same place 4 years. That's not been the case since 1989. I was somewhere different every 12 months or so for 22 years. Life is good but it's still life and everything you've done never leaves you completely. And some of those consequences last a lifetime. But I really can't complain at all. I am blessed.

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