Hi Jaguars fans! I know you're all as terrified as I am of tonight's game, so let's break it down!

 

Tonight's action sees Blake Bortles, who's clearly going trick-or-treating as the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man this year, trying to do his best Ryan Leaf impression and occasionally hit a player wearing the right jersey. On the receiving end of those ducks will be Allen Robinson and Allen Hurns, going as the famous cereal tandem Boo-Berry and Count Chocula, respectively. In the backfield, look for a heavy dose of Chris Ivory's Rodan and T. J. Yeldon's Jet Jaguar.

 

What, you don't know who Rodan and Jet Jaguar are? Seriously? They were monsters from some of the more underwhelming Godzilla movies of the 1960s. Oh, never mind. Ivory and Yeldon are every bit as unmemorable and anonymous as those two thus far.

 

Defensively, Yannick Ngakoue continues to be the terror that flaps in the night for opposing QBs, so I suppose it's fitting that his Darkwing Duck hat and cape are in the locker room, ready to go as soon as the game ends. Roy Miller, unfortunately, decided to go for Halloween as Sen'derrick Marks this year, so we'll have to see what sort of thrills and chills we get from Abry Jones and Tyson Alualu, who will no doubt be trick-or-treating as Tarzan this year to make up for his consistently Jane-esque play. Myles Jack and Telvin Smith will be dressed as Barry Allen and Wally West this year, and Paul Posluzny will be going as Darkseid. Why Darkseid? Because he's big, he's slow, and he brings the hits, just like Poz. Can the linebackers be the superheros this unit needs to stop Marcus Mariota?

 

The special teams are highlighted by Brad Nortmann and Jason Myers, who gets his name back for this one post only. The two planned the ultimate prank, going trick-or-treating as each other, but that plan went away when Myers, in Nortmann's jersey, was constantly asked for autographs and thanked with, "Wait, why'd you sign this 24-of-38?". He was last seen hiding in his locker binging on candy corn and circus peanuts.

 

And last but not least, there's Gus Bradley on the sidelines, appropriately acting like a zombie from "The Walking Dead".

 

Oh, wait, no. That's how he always acts when forced to call a play.

 

So there you have it, Jaguars fans. Best of luck to our boys in Nashville tonight! We're all with you, but we'd kind of like you to take one for the team and let this one slide. Just this once. Make Gus go away. Then win again. Thanks. Happy Halloween!

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