After much thought, I finally realize what is troubling all of these liberals into a tizzy. They are jealous that they haven't reached the fame and fortune of people like Michael Moore and Rosie O'donnell. When I put myself in their shoes, I can understand their frustration. So, I am here to help them with a step by step list to happiness.

 

A. Make a couple of bad "b" list movies

B. Realize that you have reached the pinnacle of your life.

C. Eat EVERYTHING in sight.

D. Don't wash down anything with water. The evil Conservatives have already poisoned it beyond potability. Instead, wash everything down with shots of melted butter.

E. Hold the course. This is where you have to dig deep and adhere to your new lifestyle changes.

F. Once you reach the point where you sweat a gallon of pure grease simply by climbing a flight of stairs, you are ready to start leading others.

G. Criticize anyone who doesn't do what you are doing. You are doing the right thing. Work in a threat to move to another country for added dramatic effect.

H. Go after the most powerful man in the world, because you have finally hit the "big time"

 

There you go. You can thank me later for your newfound happiness.

---