A lady a the pharmacy today was talking to a friend. She was telling her friend about how she told her kids to stop procreating because seven grandkids was already too expensive to buy gifts for.

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A Quiet man is a thinking man, a quiet women is hatching a plan

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Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution."

A husband walks into Victoria’s Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price — the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks (she’s no dummy), “I have an idea… it’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, I’ll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself. “She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, “Good Grief! You’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it! “He never heard the shot. Funeral is on Thursday at Noon The coffin will be closed.

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Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution."

A husband walks into Victoria’s Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price — the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks (she’s no dummy), “I have an idea… it’s so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won’t put it on, I’ll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself. “She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, “Good Grief! You’d think for $500, they’d at least iron it! “He never heard the shot. Funeral is on Thursday at Noon The coffin will be closed.

Instead of the bolded my husband would say, "and that's how the fight started." Lol

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Captain America is a Florida Man. I'm shocked it was even questioned.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/florida-man-c...e-doj-says

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With working outside and being single for a bit, I never realized just how much I needed to fart until I started hanging out with this girl I met not long ago. Before I’d be able to let ‘em rip at will without even thinking twice. Cost me some action last night.

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With working outside and being single for a bit, I never realized just how much I needed to fart until I started hanging out with this girl I met not long ago.  Before I’d be able to let ‘em rip at will without even thinking twice. Cost me some action last night.

Dump that girl. If she's denying you good times because of a natural bodily function, then she's unworthy. You need a girl who says, 'Oh yeah? Well listen to this.'

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With working outside and being single for a bit, I never realized just how much I needed to fart until I started hanging out with this girl I met not long ago.  Before I’d be able to let ‘em rip at will without even thinking twice. Cost me some action last night.

Dump that girl. If she's denying you good times because of a natural bodily function, then she's unworthy. You need a girl who says, 'Oh yeah? Well listen to this.'

Haha. That’s not how it went down. I was quite the gentleman.  We’re  still pretty new so I havent been releasing any pressure with this girl.  In either sense of the meaning.  Last night was shaping up to be the night.  I get to her house, which is brand new construction she’s been in only 4 months. Everything has the new house smell. When I return home my clothes even smell like new house. There is no masking a fart in that environment.  You can’t pawn it off as maybe it is just the garbage disposal or something and she has no pets.  I might as well just tap out “we’re not having sex tonight” in Morse Code using my butt biscuits.  Well, one held in fart after another just led to even harder time holding them in.  I was afraid if we commenced anything that required excessive use of my abs, glutes or legs Id  let one the size of Texas go inadvertently.  So… I balked. I chicken out. But I’ve got home field advantage tonight.

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With working outside and being single for a bit, I never realized just how much I needed to fart until I started hanging out with this girl I met not long ago.  Before I’d be able to let ‘em rip at will without even thinking twice. Cost me some action last night.

Dump that girl. If she's denying you good times because of a natural bodily function, then she's unworthy. You need a girl who says, 'Oh yeah? Well listen to this.'

Lol. This is me and my husband except neither of us say it, we just let it go. Yes we're childish. 

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Dump that girl. If she's denying you good times because of a natural bodily function, then she's unworthy. You need a girl who says, 'Oh yeah? Well listen to this.'

Haha. That’s not how it went down. I was quite the gentleman.  We’re  still pretty new so I havent been releasing any pressure with this girl.  In either sense of the meaning.  Last night was shaping up to be the night.  I get to her house, which is brand new construction she’s been in only 4 months. Everything has the new house smell. When I return home my clothes even smell like new house. There is no masking a fart in that environment.  You can’t pawn it off as maybe it is just the garbage disposal or something and she has no pets.  I might as well just tap out “we’re not having sex tonight” in Morse Code using my butt biscuits.  Well, one held in fart after another just led to even harder time holding them in.  I was afraid if we commenced anything that required excessive use of my abs, glutes or legs Id  let one the size of Texas go inadvertently.  So… I balked. I chicken out. But I’ve got home field advantage tonight.

Turn on the bathroom vent fan. If there are none, then flush a few times, the suction should grab most of the smell. Or, you could excuse yourself and go outside. Of course, if yours are particularly lethal and / or frequent, then probably none of that will work.

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"Remember Red, Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies."  - Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption

Cuteness overload!

https://youtube.com/shorts/bFniAbEbSo8?s...ftajjQ7uBy

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Someone once asked me how long I was married. I replied 77 years. They said how is that possible? I said I counted in dog years because my wife was a [BLEEP]...... LOL

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Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution."

The Falcon Heavy launch tonight was really cool. I watched it from my backyard with binoculars. This launch was for the Space Force and was carrying the X-37B, the super secretive space plane which orbits for years at a time and then returns autonomously like a plane. A heavy launch vehicle was used because they're inserting it into a very high orbit. Probably with an apogee of hundreds, or thousands of miles. No one knows except the spooks, but that's the rumor going round.  

Then, three hours later, SpaceX launched a Starlink mission from Cape Canaveral as well. Amazing stuff.

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I'm going to get a bumper sticker that says 'Honk if you like my driving". That way, when I cut people off in traffic, what are they going to do?

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Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution."

For Americus.

https://youtube.com/shorts/pT9zTQ_kVps?s...VhNMDhF7tt

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For Americus.

https://youtube.com/shorts/pT9zTQ_kVps?s...VhNMDhF7tt

Dude, I've had a [BLEEP] day and this just made me smile. Thanks!

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Japan is having a rough start to 2024. First an earthquake and tsunami, now an A350 plane crashes and burns at the Tokyo airport. Looking at earlier footage of that thing.... it's an inferno. People were on that plane.

Damn.

ETA: evidently the plane collided with a coast guard plane on the runway. All 379 passengers and crew were evacuated but all five crew members of the CG plane died.

In other news, a retired Australian female road cyclist was hit by a car driven by her husband who just retired himself. She died in the hospital. He was arrested for reckless driving and two other charges and released on bail. They have two young children. 

Yeah, 2024 isn't going well for some so far.

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Here we go again...... For the 2nd time in my life, I've been hospitalized for Pneumonia. I should have known something was up the way I was coughing up what seemed like a quart of green slime a day. Only reason we caught it was because I had to see my Dr yesterday for a follow-up on an un-related issue, So, if anyone needs me, you can find me a Frederick Health until farther notice.

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Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution."

Chaotic video shows defendant attack Las Vegas judge during sentencing

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Here we go again...... For the 2nd time in my life, I've been hospitalized for Pneumonia. I should have known something was up the way I was coughing up what seemed like a quart of green slime a day. Only reason we caught it was because I had to see my Dr yesterday for a follow-up on an un-related issue, So, if anyone needs me, you can find me a Frederick Health until farther notice.

Get well soon, Drift..

We're all pullin for ya, dude!!

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