Quote:Do you have kids? I'm sure you I've read you say you do. So you should know that being a human being with your own interests and desires doesn't go away as soon as a kid is born.
You are confusing focus and priority. The kid is the priority. Every decision that gets made by most parents is with the kid as the priority. From what you eat to where you live and work to when you can go to the can. That doesn't mean life stops or that its wrong to put your energies or focus into other things sometimes when time allows, it just means there is less time in the day for anything that isn't about someone else.
I like Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones isn't suitable for kids, so I watch it when my daughter isn't around. If for whatever reason she is in need of my focus I won't watch it.
Going on a dating website when the kid isn't around is not that different. As long as Jr isn't sat on daddies knee scouring craigslist and new women don't keep appearing at the dinner table, the kid's situation is unchanged. Kids go to bed, kids go to school, kids don't come with you to work. Depending on the childs age, there is usually quite a bit of time in the day when you will not be directly watching over the child. Go on dating websites and or dates when the kid has gone to bed isn't going to cause any more waves than have already been caused by the parents splitting.
I do, and I knew the minute my child was born that my life and my priorities all changed in an instant. That doesn't mean you can't have your own interests or desires. But, when you've been in a marriage for a while, and kids are involved, and suddenly one spouse decides she's going off the reservation because she's not happy, and she wants to be satisfied elsewhere, that leaves one parent there to be the adult for the child. Someone has to be the stabilizing force.
If both parents have decided "screw this, I'm going to do my own thing." the kid is the one who suffers. When there's so much turmoil in a situation like this, it's tough to maintain the necessary focus to assure the child is insulated. If they're so wrapped up in trying to find someone to make them feel better, they're nothing but selfish.
Quote:I think in this case its different because he says she left him for another woman, what...a week ago?
It's too fresh right now to be even thinking about that personally, especially while the wife is still living in the house. There is too much going on to even think about dating sites for himself, or the kid. 100% of his free time and effort should be given to the kid right now.
Well that's up to him. Getting left for someone else is a pretty big knock on your confidence, maybe it would help to get out there quickly and do something to just feel wanted. I'm not going to judge a man in that situation. Having a miserable husk of a father isn't good for a kid either.
What about when the kid goes to bed? What about when the go and play round a friends house? Its all well and good saying spend 100% of your time with the kid (even though I'd say what he/she needs is normality and stability not to suddenly be smothered by guilty feeling adults) but that is still going to leave you sat on your own at 8.30pm while the kid is asleep. What's he supposed to do then?
Quote:Well that's up to him. Getting left for someone else is a pretty big knock on your confidence, maybe it would help to get out there quickly and do something to just feel wanted. I'm not going to judge a man in that situation. Having a miserable husk of a father isn't good for a kid either.
What about when the kid goes to bed? What about when the go and play round a friends house? Its all well and good saying spend 100% of your time with the kid (even though I'd say what he/she needs is normality and stability not to suddenly be smothered by guilty feeling adults) but that is still going to leave you sat on your own at 8.30pm while the kid is asleep. What's he supposed to do then?
He should strive for parenting FULL CONSISTENCY!!!
Quote:I do, and I knew the minute my child was born that my life and my priorities all changed in an instant. That doesn't mean you can't have your own interests or desires. But, when you've been in a marriage for a while, and kids are involved, and suddenly one spouse decides she's going off the reservation because she's not happy, and she wants to be satisfied elsewhere, that leaves one parent there to be the adult for the child. Someone has to be the stabilizing force.
If both parents have decided "screw this, I'm going to do my own thing." the kid is the one who suffers. When there's so much turmoil in a situation like this, it's tough to maintain the necessary focus to assure the child is insulated. If they're so wrapped up in trying to find someone to make them feel better, they're nothing but selfish.
Either you're making a hell of a lot of assumptions or I'm missing something. It's like your default setting is to assume the worst about the guy.
Have you ever been on a dating site? They really aren't something that take up a lot of time, no more than having a few friends who you text regularly and the occasional date for a few hours. From there, there are all sorts of possible relationships you can form from friendship, to casual sex, to marriage and everything in between. Nothing that has to take up your life and assuming he is a responsible parent with a bit of common sense and a bit sensitivity, nothing whatsoever that should interfere with any parenting duties or the child's situation.
Being a responsible single parent doesn't mean sitting on your own and being miserable and lonely when the kid is out of the room just for 'stability'. That's no good for anyone.
Quote:He should strive for parenting FULL CONSISTENCY!!!
I did a proper snort laugh and now I feel bad. Thanks for making me feel feelings, jerk!
Quote:...
I did a proper snort laugh and now I feel bad. Thanks for making me feel feelings, jerk!
Feelings get in the way of FULL CONSISTENCY!
You better focus on the job at hand!
did anyone recommend biggunsdotcom yet?
Quote:You better focus on the job at hand!
So many jokes, so little time...
Quote:So many jokes, so little time...
In order to promote conversation, open ended statements and/or questions are key.
Quote:Either you're making a hell of a lot of assumptions or I'm missing something. It's like your default setting is to assume the worst about the guy.
Have you ever been on a dating site? They really aren't something that take up a lot of time, no more than having a few friends who you text regularly and the occasional date for a few hours. From there, there are all sorts of possible relationships you can form from friendship, to casual sex, to marriage and everything in between. Nothing that has to take up your life and assuming he is a responsible parent with a bit of common sense and a bit sensitivity, nothing whatsoever that should interfere with any parenting duties or the child's situation.
Being a responsible single parent doesn't mean sitting on your own and being miserable and lonely when the kid is out of the room just for 'stability'. That's no good for anyone.
I did a proper snort laugh and now I feel bad. Thanks for making me feel feelings, jerk!
You do grasp the fact that he's not a single parent yet, right?
I went into this thread expecting serious discussions about internet dating sites, and instead found one poster arguing against another poster about something not having to do with internet dating sites.
In hindsight, I probably should have expected it.
I also expect that someone would reply back on my post and argue against what I just said.
Quote:You do grasp the fact that he's not a single parent yet, right?
And that two weeks or so ago he was happily married and now he's got a lesbian "roommate" and been out dating and I don't think either have been to a divorce lawyer yet!
Quote:I went into this thread expecting serious discussions about internet dating sites, and instead found one poster arguing against another poster about something not having to do with internet dating sites.
In hindsight, I probably should have expected it.
I also expect that someone would reply back on my post and argue against what I just said.
Go read the Friends thread then this one...seems like chapter two of the same thread.
Quote:You do grasp the fact that he's not a single parent yet, right?
Quote:And that two weeks or so ago he was happily married and now he's got a lesbian "roommate" and been out dating and I don't think either have been to a divorce lawyer yet!
And what? We aren't talking about his relationship status, we are talking about how his use of dating websites it might affect his kid(s), he is a big boy, he can and will make his own mistakes, if this particular mistake affects the kid then there is a problem, bus so far nobody has give a reason how or why this will affect anything, just generalities about 'focus and priorities'. What his partner is and isn't doing is out of his control and nothing to do with what he does as a good parent. From the sound of it he is in a crappy situation and is just trying to cope as best he can.
All I disagree with is slamming a father for going on dating sites is (assuming we are talking about a reasonable adult who knows how to use an iota of discretion) for irresponsible/selfish parenting. It is perfectly possible to be an outstanding parent giving all the love and attention a child needs and even to compensate for the failings of the other parent and then do any number of things that a child shouldn't see/know about/be a part of one the child is in bed/at school/with another adult. His situation doesn't mean he suddenly needs to live like a monk, for the sake of his child who would probably much prefer a happy father over one in bits from his breakup.
Quote:Go read the Friends thread then this one...seems like chapter two of the same thread.
He's better than us...don't explain it to him.
Quote:And that two weeks or so ago he was happily married and now he's got a lesbian "roommate" and been out dating and I don't think either have been to a divorce lawyer yet!
We're just being prudes for thinking this is a little quick. :unsure: :wacko:
Quote:We're just being prudes for thinking this is a little quick. :unsure: :wacko:
Yep...Purdy McPrudster, that's me! Nice to meet ya! :thumbsup:
I just saw a commercial for eharmony.com. They said they have 130 some odd couples marry everyday from meeting off of their website.
BigJag, you could be married by next week if you wanted to.
Quote:I just saw a commercial for eharmony.com. They said they have 130 some odd couples marry everyday from meeting off of their website.
BigJag, you could be married by next week if you wanted to.
Only in Utah though... :whistling:
Quote:I just saw a commercial for eharmony.com. They said they have 130 some odd couples marry everyday from meeting off of their website.
BigJag, you could be married by next week if you wanted to.
Before the divorce paperwork is even filed. It's good to be a go getter.