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Terrible Jokes

#21
05-31-2016, 05:56 AM

What do you get when your canary flies into a fan?



Shredded tweet.
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  • Offline homebiscuit
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#22
05-31-2016, 05:56 AM

What did 0 say to 8?


"Nice belt."
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  • Offline Deacon
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#23
05-31-2016, 10:33 AM

Horse: walks into bar

 

Bartender: "Why the long face?"

I'm trying to make myself more informed and less opinionated.

Stop saying whatever stupid thing you're talking about and pay attention to all the interesting things I have to say!
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  • Offline RicoTx
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#24
05-31-2016, 11:35 AM

A dog walks into a barn and says to a couple of horses, 'Where can I get a drink of water?'


One horse turns to the other and says, 'Hey...check it out...a talkin' dog.'
[Image: IMG-2758.jpg]
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  • Offline flsprtsgod
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#25
05-31-2016, 11:50 AM

"The genie is hard of hearing, do you think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?"

“An empty vessel makes the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit are the greatest babblers.”. - Plato

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  • Offline JackCity
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#26
05-31-2016, 01:34 PM

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?



Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt
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  • Offline BigJag57
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#27
05-31-2016, 01:46 PM

Quote:Why did Princess Diana cross the road?



Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt


No you di'int
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  • Offline flsprtsgod
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#28
05-31-2016, 03:18 PM

Quote:Why did Princess Diana cross the road?



Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt
 

What was the last thing to go through her mind?

 

The windshield.
“An empty vessel makes the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit are the greatest babblers.”. - Plato

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  • Offline Jags
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#29
05-31-2016, 04:41 PM

Quote:Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt
Quote:What was the last thing to go through her mind?

 

The windshield.
I feel ashamed for +1'ing these two...
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  • Offline JackCity
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#30
05-31-2016, 05:48 PM (This post was last modified: 05-31-2016, 05:49 PM by JackCity.)

Quote:What was the last thing to go through her mind?


The windshield.
Yes that's top notch.
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  • Offline TJBender
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#31
05-31-2016, 06:13 PM

I once knew a girl from Nantucket

[BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED]

[BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED]

[BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED]

[BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED]

 

One hell of a punchline, right?!

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  • Offline DarloJAG84
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#32
05-31-2016, 06:44 PM (This post was last modified: 05-31-2016, 06:52 PM by DarloJAG84.)

Quote:Why did Princess Diana cross the road?



Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt
 

 

Quote:No you di'int
 

 

Quote:What was the last thing to go through her mind?

 

The windshield.
 

What do you get if you cross Queen Elizabeth & Prince Charles..

 

Ok so I've removed the punchline... just incase it offends... Not sure I want another warning marking :kiss:

[Image: 5S5POfa.jpg]

80% of what I talk about is nonesense.. the other 25% is made up statistics...


 
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#33
05-31-2016, 07:31 PM

Quote:I once knew a girl from Nantucket

[BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED]

[BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED]

[BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED]

[BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED]

 

One hell of a punchline, right?!
 

The Aristocrats!
“An empty vessel makes the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit are the greatest babblers.”. - Plato

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  • Offline homebiscuit
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#34
05-31-2016, 07:40 PM

Quote:The Aristocrats!
 

I'm still recovering from when I first read it 25 years ago. It was rumored to be Johnny Carson's favorite joke.
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  • Offline UConnUCFjags
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#35
05-31-2016, 07:43 PM

What would George Washington do if he were alive today?


Scream and scratch at the top of his coffin.
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#36
05-31-2016, 08:10 PM

Quote:I'm still recovering from when I first read it 25 years ago. It was rumored to be Johnny Carson's favorite joke.
He must have heard some pretty sucky jokes if that one was his favorite!! Sick
What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is agoin' on here???
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  • Offline Jags
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#37
05-31-2016, 08:10 PM

What's the difference between the playboy mansion and a 3 ring circus?


The circus is filled with an array of cunning stunts.



(Another better said out loud)
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  • Offline Jags
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#38
05-31-2016, 08:17 PM

A man walks into a zoo. The only animal there is a dog. It's a Shitzhu.
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  • Offline Jags
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#39
05-31-2016, 08:21 PM

My grandad was 65 when he started running a mile each day to stay fit. He's 70 now and we have no idea where he's at.
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  • Offline Jags
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#40
05-31-2016, 08:23 PM

When i die, I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandad, unlike the other passengers.
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