When you're wiping your [BLEEP] and your finger tears through the toilet paper.

That comes out of your 15 squares/day allotment, pal. Don't think you can take an extra 3 squares because of your, ahem, "accident".

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Season Ticket holder since 2004.

 

        

When you're wiping your [BLEEP] and your finger tears through the toilet paper.

Sounds like someone had a hard time finding good TP.  Here’s what you do.  Go to some podunk town, let’s just pull...oh idk... st George, Ga. out our butts.  Go to the dollar general.  They’ve got the good stuff and all the cheaper ones are picked over.  

During the beginning of all this, we visited the wife’s family.  Had to enter that joint.  Wife say to look for TP.  Well, all they had left was what we bought and the big [BLEEP] packages of it.  Not trying to make fun of those people up there by any means.  Either that or don’t wipe as hard.  Be gentle to your anus.  Cottonelle flushable wipes are good as well.  You can get the job done and done well in short order.

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I kinda like how Wu Flu sounds.

I'm sticking with Kung-Flu

I like the ring of that one as well.  Hope Rico washes well or trims his nails, otherwise he’ll be dealing with the dung-flu

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When you're wiping your [BLEEP] and your finger tears through the toilet paper.

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When you get into the endzone, act like you've been there before.

When you're wiping your [BLEEP] and your finger tears through the toilet paper.

Back when I was a kid we didn’t have a nozzle.  We had to use a quarter in drive socket hose clamped onto the end of the hose to get a decent pressure.

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Lost the “gummy” whatever it’s called off my earbud.  I’ve got active noise canceling earphones that work well.  After losing that gummy it rendered  it useless. So I took them off.   That was lawn 2 of 23.  I didn’t realize (wether listening to music or not) how useful they were.  Drove me bonkers.  I felt naked.  Kept grabbing at the non existent earbuds before and after every lawn.  It truly made the day almost unbearable and almost never ending.

[BLEEP] your carol baskins

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Here’s an anti entry into this thread. I was pleasantly surprised by an estimate I received today. We’ve had people over for all kinda of stuff over the years (pools, sunrooms, screenrooms, floors and patio). Not all at the same time. They advertise a price for whatever and it increases significantly once the estimate and options are included. My 30k pool came out to 65k. Yeah...NO. After 12 years in the house, we got an estimate for a paver patio. Something we’ve been wanting for a while. We have our budget and was afraid we’d have that decision of taking less than what we wanted or paying more for it. This company comes out with a 5 star review and comes in well under budget with “no hidden charges”. I am not the guy to go lowest bidder if it means neglecting quality. But, I’m pretty damn excited about this.

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The ad at the top of the page is for team-logo masks. Three teams, none are the Jags. This is a Jags message board, how stupid is that?

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"Why should I give information to you when all you want to do is find something wrong with it?"

The ad at the top of the page is for team-logo masks. Three teams, none are the Jags. This is a Jags message board, how stupid is that?

Presenting the Jaguars mask......

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When you get into the endzone, act like you've been there before.

The ad at the top of the page is for team-logo masks. Three teams, none are the Jags. This is a Jags message board, how stupid is that?

Presenting the Jaguars mask......

That’s funny, right there.

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Not knowing how much you use your stomach muscles until you have laparoscopic gallbladder surgery.

Spoiler alert: it’s a lot!!!

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What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is agoin' on here???

Not knowing how much you use your stomach muscles until you have laparoscopic gallbladder surgery.

Spoiler alert: it’s a lot!!!

No Comedy Central for you. 

My wife had laparoscopic surgery for an ectopic pregnancy, years ago. Those three small incisions kept her sore for quite a while.

Get well soon!

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Not knowing how much you use your stomach muscles until you have laparoscopic gallbladder surgery.

Spoiler alert: it’s a lot!!!

No Comedy Central for you. 

My wife had laparoscopic surgery for an ectopic pregnancy, years ago. Those three small incisions kept her sore for quite a while.

Get well soon!

Thank you! They definitely aren’t a whole lot of fun, that’s for sure!

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What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is agoin' on here???

No Comedy Central for you. 

My wife had laparoscopic surgery for an ectopic pregnancy, years ago. Those three small incisions kept her sore for quite a while.

Get well soon!

Thank you! They definitely aren’t a whole lot of fun, that’s for sure!

Hope yours turns out better than mine did. 

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Thank you! They definitely aren’t a whole lot of fun, that’s for sure!

Hope yours turns out better than mine did. 

What happened with yours?

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What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is agoin' on here???

Hope yours turns out better than mine did. 

What happened with yours?

Senorita Fantastica. 

No one wants to talk about it.

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Days that begin with 7am conference calls and end with 8pm conference calls.

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“An empty vessel makes the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit are the greatest babblers.”. - Plato

Trying to grow gardenias. I give up!

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Trying to grow gardenias. I give up!

Got two blooms on mine this year so far. LOL
They are stubborn for the not-so-green-of-thumb like myself.

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Trying to grow gardenias. I give up!

Got two blooms on mine this year so far. LOL
They are stubborn for the not-so-green-of-thumb like myself.

About 20 years ago, my wife and I were visiting some friends who had some large gardenias in their front yard.  So my wife pinches off a small shoot and takes it home and puts it in a pot in the back yard.  And there it sat for about 10 years, in a pot full of mud, through freezes, heat waves, droughts, hurricanes, you name it.   Then we moved about 10 years ago, and that pot with that pathetic little gardenia was one of the last things we took to our new house.  We wanted to use the pot, so we took out the gardenia and planted it in the corner of the yard away from everything.  And there it sat for some more years, until a couple of years ago, it decided to grow.  And today it's about 5 feet tall with some really beautiful white flowers.  It's the ultimate survivor.

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Got two blooms on mine this year so far. LOL
They are stubborn for the not-so-green-of-thumb like myself.

About 20 years ago, my wife and I were visiting some friends who had some large gardenias in their front yard.  So my wife pinches off a small shoot and takes it home and puts it in a pot in the back yard.  And there it sat for about 10 years, in a pot full of mud, through freezes, heat waves, droughts, hurricanes, you name it.   Then we moved about 10 years ago, and that pot with that pathetic little gardenia was one of the last things we took to our new house.  We wanted to use the pot, so we took out the gardenia and planted it in the corner of the yard away from everything.  And there it sat for some more years, until a couple of years ago, it decided to grow.  And today it's about 5 feet tall with some really beautiful white flowers.  It's the ultimate survivor.

You’re not helping, Marty!

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