Tough question. I had good parents that did the best they could. I'm not far removed from destitute poverty on my dad's side. My mom's family was a little better off, but not by much. Both sets of grandparents were self-made, and by that, I mean they made it into middle class and didn't have anything given to them. I learned the basics from my parents: work hard, be responsible, have integrity, be self-sufficient, treat others like you want to be treated. I wouldn't consider them role models, not so much because they weren't good people, but because they weren't really the type of people that questioned much. I often found myself frustrated at "the way it is." I have a natural bend towards integrity and rationalism, but also skepticism and smugness. As an intelligent young man, it was easy to see that everything was not as it was made to seem.

I joined the Marines, which was an interesting experience. This is going to come across as a brag, but it didn't really break me. It tested me, certainly, but it didn't fundamentally change who I was at my core, like some people I know. It really showed me what I could endure, and I think that is a worthwhile mention. I think that confidence plays an important role in opening yourself up to new experiences. Much like Americus, this was my first foray into world travel and culture. This played a role in breaking down some of my innate western biases, opening my eyes, and preparing me for the next 10 years, which is really where my values began to take shape.

I got involved in church around the same time I started college, and both were instrumental in honing my values. College was a fresh take for me. It was the first time I was rewarded for my curiousness and skepticism which had previously been spurned by most authority figures. As a poli-sci major, I was introduced to the humanities. I learned about the philosophies that shaped the enlightenment, and how that led to the formation of the US constitution. I learned about the trials of humanity, and the plight of civilization as we got it wrong time and time again. I enjoyed learning, and I wasn't expected to just repeat talking points. I was encouraged to share my world view so long as it could be substantiated. I was encouraged to research for myself and challenge the status quo. I was allowed to question ideas and traditions. This is where I was most allowed to be myself. I miss it, and it makes me sad that so many kids are missing out on that experience.

Church served a different purpose. It's a place that also has deep thinkers. It's not really a place for people who care about provable ideas, but rather for those who seek out meaning and purpose. It's really my affiliation with the church that caused me to become introspective and self-aware. It really made me see how small I was in the greater scheme of things, and the more I realized I was connected to everyone and everything, the less I tried to use my intelligence to serve myself. Instead, I started looking at how everything was interconnected. Ultimately, I started to have questions about the church and its practices, which ended up with me removing myself from that community as not to cause problems. I still think it's a great place to find community and peace, but there is also the danger of isolation and dogmatism. Regardless, it was instrumental in shaping my values.

Moving on to the "real world" my curiosities and skepticism of traditions once again were rejected. I fought hard against it for years before finally changing my outlook in my 30's. "Me against the world" sounds great for a while, but it's exhausting and futile. This is around the same time I became a teacher, and there was a real benefit to working together with other teachers for the benefit of the youth. Seeing kids struggle is different than watching adults struggle. It's easy to think that people made choices to get where they are, but it's something entirely different when you see it happening to children you care about. This began to create empathy instead of sympathy, which also is a value change.

I think I'm learning to hear people's stories as I get older. I'm mid-40's now. My kids have also softened me and teach me more about myself every day. Marriage too. There are SO many seemingly small and ignorant perceptions I have of the world that keep changing over time.

Honestly, it's very difficult to nail down any one thing that shapes one's values... hell, it might even be difficult to define one's values, but I think the experiences I mentioned probably had the biggest impact in shaping the way I see the world.

---