A guy is at a bar and looks over to see a pirate standing next to him. The pirate has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye. He asks the pirate, "What happened to get all of this?"

 

"Arrgh. The peg leg is because a great white got me real leg when I fell overboard once, and the hook is because I lost me hand from an Englishman's cutlass while stormin' the decks of a man o' war."  

 

"What about the patch?"

 

"A seagull pooped in me eye, it did."

 

"You lost your eye because a bird pooped in it?"

 

"Aye", he uncomfortably responds. "It was the first day with me new hook."  

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