A man goes to the doctor for an exam, and the doctor says, "We really need to get you on something to help out with your flatulence."

The man says, "Oh no, really doc? How did you know?"

The doctor replies, "It's making your colonoscopy very difficult."

 

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Don't know. They won't quit complaining about the light being out.

 

Three friends are stranded on an island together, and one of them comes across a magic lamp. A genie pops out and tells them that he will grant each man one wish. The first man wishes that he could return to his family, and it is done. The second man has moved on from his family, and wishes to be single in Miami with ten million dollars. Done. The third man stops for a moment and says, "You know, I really like it here. It's peaceful, it's remote, but man, it's going to be wonderful having this place to myself. I just wish my friends could be here with m--oh [BLEEP]."

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