Three definitely needs fixing, and I'll tell you why... it spoils 5. We should move this discussion to the other forum, though.

I think parents and older brothers have a responsibility to make sure the kids see episode 5 before episode 3.  Not a big deal.  Though, if all you want to do is make it ambiguous about whether the twins survive birth, and you don't show Padme giving them names, that eliminates the spoiler, and it's not a huge change to 3.

Unrelated, I thought the Lego star wars stuff on Disney plus might be a good primer for my kids who are still too young for the actual movies.  This Lego star wars short just casually referred to Vader as Luke's father as a joke! I don't think my kids processed it, but still. Disney just doesn't get it.

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My fellow southpaw Mark Brunell will probably always be my favorite Jaguar.

There's something out there on teh Intarwebz called "the Machete Order" as the way to introduce someone to Star Wars who knows nothing about Star Wars.

Watch Epi-IV, then Epi-V, skip Epi-VI for now and watch Epi-II and Epi-III instead, then go back and watch Epi-VI.  (Machete says skip Epi-I entirely).

That way you don't spoil Epi-V.  And after Epi-V you go back and watch how Anakin became Vader and wrap it up with his redemption in Epi-VI.

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There's something out there on teh Intarwebz called "the Machete Order" as the way to introduce someone to Star Wars who knows nothing about Star Wars.

Watch Epi-IV, then Epi-V, skip Epi-VI for now and watch Epi-II and Epi-III instead, then go back and watch Epi-VI.  (Machete says skip Epi-I entirely).

That way you don't spoil Epi-V.  And after Epi-V you go back and watch how Anakin became Vader and wrap it up with his redemption in Epi-VI.

Exactly.  Depending on how old the kid is, you might put rogue 1 in front of IV, and II is by no means mandatory.  
But it is absolutely better to watch VI right after you watch III, instead of after V.

---

My fellow southpaw Mark Brunell will probably always be my favorite Jaguar.

Since these posts aren't getting moved, and the Trump indictment is on hold, here's my vision for episodes 1-3, with some bits and pieces taken from other things I've seen or heard.

Episode 1.

I know I'm going to get some hate here, but I think it's got the perfect setup for the rest of the three films. It needs to remove a lot of the exposition and unnecessary characters, though.

I'd start the film with the standard opening information crawl that explains that the galactic senate has been battling sentient AI that has rebelled and is challenging the civilizations of the galaxy, explaining why the entire Star Wars universe runs on analog, and Queen Amadala is scheduled to speak to the senate in favor of diplomatic solutions.

The opening scene is her being kidnapped by Darth Maul and a host of the AI robots, who escape on a trade federation vessel. Cut to Mace Windu (no need for extra characters) and his apprentice, Obi-Wan, who are dressed like bad-[BLEEP] samurais, because it always bothered me that the Jedi would wear the same thing as Ben Kenobi who was in hiding. They are badasses and should have a bit of presence. Then it makes sense when you see Ben just wearing a robe with a big hood. Anyways, they make their way onto the vessel and proceed to shred, just like the original film. They chase Darth Maul all the way through the ship, only for him to use a similar tactic as the original ending to separate Mace and obi-wan, nearly killing Kenobi until Mace can get into save him. Darth Maul, realizing Windu's power, makes Mace choose between fighting him and saving Obi-Wan so he can escape. This fight takes place in a room with a large window, and when Mace is tending to Obi-Wan, we see an escape pod launch from the ship.

Mace proceeds to the prison where he finds Queen Amadala, in a completely enclosed cell. Next to her, is the bumbling idiot Jar-Jar, who had also been captured at some point. He gets Mace to agree to take him with them on promise of information as to how the rogue group got into Naboo. They get back to their vessel to head to Naboo to find out more information, when the ship malfunctions and they crash land on Tattoine.

Meanwhile, you have Senator Palpatine using this bold attack by the AI droids as an example of why they need to create a clone army and go on the offensive.

Tattoine goes much like the original, but instead of Anakin being an 9 year-old (who thought that was a good idea), he's a brash, 21 year-old stud, who makes money for his master by pod racing with his slave buddy Owen Lars (you might know him as the guy that raised Luke). There's no mom or virgin birth story (who thought that was a good idea). They are best buds and Owen is Anakin's wingman. They build their own pods and dominate the racing competitions, and Owen is constantly bragging about Anikin. Mace Windu can sense a darkness in the force, but he wonders if he just hasn't shaken his encounter with a Sith Lord. He conveys this to Obi-Wan, but again later to Yoda, in which he wonders if it could even be Anakin but struggles because he also senses good in him. Jar-Jar continues his usual antics, almost exactly as he does in the first film.

Anakin and Owen win the pod race, and they get the part they need fix their ship. Instead of fighting Darth Maul, they fight some AI droids who show up on the planet to attack them as they leave, which show up in overwhelming numbers and require Obi-Wan, Mace, and Jar-Jar (doing Jar-Jar things), to hold off the droids. Owen and Anikin begin to repair the ship, but Anakin leaves to help fight the droids, and Owen fixes it just in time for them to leave for Naboo before being overwhelmed. Anakin manages to snag the evil droid commander (C3PO) and believes he can modify him to make him helpful. Mace takes Owen to teach him how to fly the ship, and the rest of them congregate around Anakin while he works on the droid. Jar-Jar starts up a conversation about the force, which leads Obi-Wan to talk about it, and even tests Anakin, who seemingly makes the lights flicker, which shocks everyone, even Anakin, who says it was probably just due to the droid coming online. They proceed to learn from C3PO that it isn't that the droids have become sentient, but rather that they are being controlled by an unknown agent that is described as Darth Maul, but C3PO knows nothing else about him except what he looks like.

Upon their return, they see a blockade set up by the droids around Naboo. It's sizeable, but nothing they can't handle. They manage to sneak past the blockade. Queen Amidala readies her force and they The Jedi drop off Queen Amidala at Naboo so she can catch up on the Senate hearings and present her findings. Owen offers to fly her to the hearing. Anakin asks to go with the Jedi. Mace Windu is hesitant, but Jar-Jar makes a joke about him being Obi-Wan's padawan, and Mace laughs and agrees. The introduction to Naboo is similar as the main film but without Queen Amidala. The Gungans are an amphibious race that can distort their features and change colors to show their mood. So, while the Gungan leader is saying all the right things, his coloration is telling a different story. Jar-Jar reveals that he's hiding something. While they are discussing what to do, they notice someone spying on them and Mace motions to Obi-Wan to go after them. Mace, Jar-Jar, and Anakin go to confront the King. Obi-Wan chases the spy through the city, before finally cornering them, and the being says, I am not your real threat.

Cut to space fight... Filler action, pew, pew, pew, Owen is beasting out, and it's shaping up to be an easy victory for the Naboo space force.

Cut back to Mace and crew. They have managed to outwit the guards to confront Boss Nass in his secret lab. They just brought an energy source online that can power a teleportation device, and the crew walks in just in time to see them turn it on. Several Droids come through the portal. Mace Windu jumps out from hiding and accuses Boss Nass of being a traitor. He says he had to do it to protect his people. Mace Windu just thrashes the droids as he moves quickly to Boss Nass, but not fast enough to stop him from turning the switch that diverts the energy beam to space, opening a portal that starts to overwhelm the Naboo fleet. WHY!, Mace shouts. If I didn't, he would kill me. WHO! He shouts.

Just then, a red light saber appears through the chest of Mace Windu. And you hear, me... cut to a shot of Jar-Jar, who now is turning red.... his features slowly transforming into that of Darth Maul (Darth Maul would have to be slightly more lizard like for it to work, I think). C3PO says, that's who is controlling the droids! Darth Maul turns to Anakin. "Now, that I've taken down Mace Windu, it's safe to do what I set out to do. Destroy you. I can't believe he thought you could surpass me." C3PO is like "Oh dear," Which is funny because he was a [BLEEP] 30 minutes ago. Just before Darth Maul can strike him down, Obi-Wan comes flying out of the shadows and deflects the blow. He and Darth Maul go at it, with Kenobi being an improved fighter, but still not good enough. Anakin grabs Mace's lightsaber, and proceeds to help. He's not good enough, either, but he's better than expected. Windu shoves Anakin back, and goes to strike down Obi-Wan, and you hear a NO shouted, and Darth Maul freezes.... his hand begins to move forward slowly, and he looks at Anakin, just then, Obi-Wan force pushes him through the portal.

Obi-Wan debates following Darth Maul through, but Anakin says you don't know if it goes both ways, he could have been disintegrated. How did you know, Anakin asks. The spy was sent by the king to spy on Jar-Jar, not them. We need to shut this thing down. C3PO says he can still access the plans in his database, and he and Anakin destroy the power to the portals.

Cut to another space scene... Naboo space force is being overwhelmed, now. Owen is beasting out, but is about to be destroyed, when pew, pew, pew... it's Anakin. He and Kenobi are each in their own fighters, and the three of them proceed to wreck face.

Typical ending. heroism, yada yada. Yoda reluctantly admits Anakin to be Obi-Wan's padawan, even though he's too old, and Queen Amidala presents her findings to the Senate.

Imo, THAT would be a great movie. Also, more on the Jar-Jar the Sith Lord here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yy3q9f84EA

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Episode 2 is a buddy cop movie, where the guy gets the girl. Probably won't write it up if there's no traction on my first remake. It takes too long

---

Since these posts aren't getting moved, and the Trump indictment is on hold, here's my vision for episodes 1-3, with some bits and pieces taken from other things I've seen or heard.

Episode 1.

I know I'm going to get some hate here, but I think it's got the perfect setup for the rest of the three films. It needs to remove a lot of the exposition and unnecessary characters, though.

I'd start the film with the standard opening information crawl that explains that the galactic senate has been battling sentient AI that has rebelled and is challenging the civilizations of the galaxy, explaining why the entire Star Wars universe runs on analog, and Queen Amadala is scheduled to speak to the senate in favor of diplomatic solutions.

The opening scene is her being kidnapped by Darth Maul and a host of the AI robots, who escape on a trade federation vessel. Cut to Mace Windu (no need for extra characters) and his apprentice, Obi-Wan, who are dressed like bad-[BLEEP] samurais, because it always bothered me that the Jedi would wear the same thing as Ben Kenobi who was in hiding. They are badasses and should have a bit of presence. Then it makes sense when you see Ben just wearing a robe with a big hood. Anyways, they make their way onto the vessel and proceed to shred, just like the original film. They chase Darth Maul all the way through the ship, only for him to use a similar tactic as the original ending to separate Mace and obi-wan, nearly killing Kenobi until Mace can get into save him. Darth Maul, realizing Windu's power, makes Mace choose between fighting him and saving Obi-Wan so he can escape. This fight takes place in a room with a large window, and when Mace is tending to Obi-Wan, we see an escape pod launch from the ship.

Mace proceeds to the prison where he finds Queen Amadala, in a completely enclosed cell. Next to her, is the bumbling idiot Jar-Jar, who had also been captured at some point. He gets Mace to agree to take him with them on promise of information as to how the rogue group got into Naboo. They get back to their vessel to head to Naboo to find out more information, when the ship malfunctions and they crash land on Tattoine.

Meanwhile, you have Senator Palpatine using this bold attack by the AI droids as an example of why they need to create a clone army and go on the offensive.

Tattoine goes much like the original, but instead of Anakin being an 9 year-old (who thought that was a good idea), he's a brash, 21 year-old stud, who makes money for his master by pod racing with his slave buddy Owen Lars (you might know him as the guy that raised Luke). There's no mom or virgin birth story (who thought that was a good idea). They are best buds and Owen is Anakin's wingman. They build their own pods and dominate the racing competitions, and Owen is constantly bragging about Anikin. Mace Windu can sense a darkness in the force, but he wonders if he just hasn't shaken his encounter with a Sith Lord. He conveys this to Obi-Wan, but again later to Yoda, in which he wonders if it could even be Anakin but struggles because he also senses good in him. Jar-Jar continues his usual antics, almost exactly as he does in the first film.

Anakin and Owen win the pod race, and they get the part they need fix their ship. Instead of fighting Darth Maul, they fight some AI droids who show up on the planet to attack them as they leave, which show up in overwhelming numbers and require Obi-Wan, Mace, and Jar-Jar (doing Jar-Jar things), to hold off the droids. Owen and Anikin begin to repair the ship, but Anakin leaves to help fight the droids, and Owen fixes it just in time for them to leave for Naboo before being overwhelmed. Anakin manages to snag the evil droid commander (C3PO) and believes he can modify him to make him helpful. Mace takes Owen to teach him how to fly the ship, and the rest of them congregate around Anakin while he works on the droid. Jar-Jar starts up a conversation about the force, which leads Obi-Wan to talk about it, and even tests Anakin, who seemingly makes the lights flicker, which shocks everyone, even Anakin, who says it was probably just due to the droid coming online. They proceed to learn from C3PO that it isn't that the droids have become sentient, but rather that they are being controlled by an unknown agent that is described as Darth Maul, but C3PO knows nothing else about him except what he looks like.

Upon their return, they see a blockade set up by the droids around Naboo. It's sizeable, but nothing they can't handle. They manage to sneak past the blockade. Queen Amidala readies her force and they The Jedi drop off Queen Amidala at Naboo so she can catch up on the Senate hearings and present her findings. Owen offers to fly her to the hearing. Anakin asks to go with the Jedi. Mace Windu is hesitant, but Jar-Jar makes a joke about him being Obi-Wan's padawan, and Mace laughs and agrees. The introduction to Naboo is similar as the main film but without Queen Amidala. The Gungans are an amphibious race that can distort their features and change colors to show their mood. So, while the Gungan leader is saying all the right things, his coloration is telling a different story. Jar-Jar reveals that he's hiding something. While they are discussing what to do, they notice someone spying on them and Mace motions to Obi-Wan to go after them. Mace, Jar-Jar, and Anakin go to confront the King. Obi-Wan chases the spy through the city, before finally cornering them, and the being says, I am not your real threat.

Cut to space fight... Filler action, pew, pew, pew, Owen is beasting out, and it's shaping up to be an easy victory for the Naboo space force.

Cut back to Mace and crew. They have managed to outwit the guards to confront Boss Nass in his secret lab. They just brought an energy source online that can power a teleportation device, and the crew walks in just in time to see them turn it on. Several Droids come through the portal. Mace Windu jumps out from hiding and accuses Boss Nass of being a traitor. He says he had to do it to protect his people. Mace Windu just thrashes the droids as he moves quickly to Boss Nass, but not fast enough to stop him from turning the switch that diverts the energy beam to space, opening a portal that starts to overwhelm the Naboo fleet. WHY!, Mace shouts. If I didn't, he would kill me. WHO! He shouts.

Just then, a red light saber appears through the chest of Mace Windu. And you hear, me... cut to a shot of Jar-Jar, who now is turning red.... his features slowly transforming into that of Darth Maul (Darth Maul would have to be slightly more lizard like for it to work, I think). C3PO says, that's who is controlling the droids! Darth Maul turns to Anakin. "Now, that I've taken down Mace Windu, it's safe to do what I set out to do. Destroy you. I can't believe he thought you could surpass me." C3PO is like "Oh dear," Which is funny because he was a [BLEEP] 30 minutes ago. Just before Darth Maul can strike him down, Obi-Wan comes flying out of the shadows and deflects the blow. He and Darth Maul go at it, with Kenobi being an improved fighter, but still not good enough. Anakin grabs Mace's lightsaber, and proceeds to help. He's not good enough, either, but he's better than expected. Windu shoves Anakin back, and goes to strike down Obi-Wan, and you hear a NO shouted, and Darth Maul freezes.... his hand begins to move forward slowly, and he looks at Anakin, just then, Obi-Wan force pushes him through the portal.

Obi-Wan debates following Darth Maul through, but Anakin says you don't know if it goes both ways, he could have been disintegrated. How did you know, Anakin asks. The spy was sent by the king to spy on Jar-Jar, not them. We need to shut this thing down. C3PO says he can still access the plans in his database, and he and Anakin destroy the power to the portals.

Cut to another space scene... Naboo space force is being overwhelmed, now. Owen is beasting out, but is about to be destroyed, when pew, pew, pew... it's Anakin. He and Kenobi are each in their own fighters, and the three of them proceed to wreck face.

Typical ending. heroism, yada yada. Yoda reluctantly admits Anakin to be Obi-Wan's padawan, even though he's too old, and Queen Amidala presents her findings to the Senate.

Imo, THAT would be a great movie. Also, more on the Jar-Jar the Sith Lord here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8yy3q9f84EA

---

Episode 2 is a buddy cop movie, where the guy gets the girl. Probably won't write it up if there's no traction on my first remake. It takes too long

Wow. That was awesome!

Well done! I always wished we had gotten more Darth Maul

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I agree. Darth Maul has to be the antagonist throughout the first three movies. Anakin has to be the one that defeats him. He needs to be struck down in anger. 

Back to Samurai Jedi, how cool would it be if the Jedi looked like this in their battles instead of the robes. I'd probably make it with beskar steel instead of the leather traditionally used, but in different colors and styles to represent the individual Jedi. I don't know. Just little things bummed me out about the first three. There's a whole world that could have been built. 

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I agree. Darth Maul has to be the antagonist throughout the first three movies. Anakin has to be the one that defeats him. He needs to be struck down in anger. 

Back to Samurai Jedi, how cool would it be if the Jedi looked like this in their battles instead of the robes. I'd probably make it with beskar steel instead of the leather traditionally used, but in different colors and styles to represent the individual Jedi. I don't know. Just little things bummed me out about the first three. There's a whole world that could have been built. 

I understand why they didn’t change it too much.

If they change it too much, some fans throw a fit because “they didn’t stay true to the originals”.

Can’t please everyone I guess. I’m watching them for the first time with my son (7) and he is loving it. We just finished episodes 1-3 (so this portion of the thread is great) and I’m contemplating showing Rogue 1 or just jumping into 4-6.

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I agree. Darth Maul has to be the antagonist throughout the first three movies. Anakin has to be the one that defeats him. He needs to be struck down in anger. 

Back to Samurai Jedi, how cool would it be if the Jedi looked like this in their battles instead of the robes. I'd probably make it with beskar steel instead of the leather traditionally used, but in different colors and styles to represent the individual Jedi. I don't know. Just little things bummed me out about the first three. There's a whole world that could have been built. 

I understand why they didn’t change it too much.

If they change it too much, some fans throw a fit because “they didn’t stay true to the originals”.

Can’t please everyone I guess. I’m watching them for the first time with my son (7) and he is loving it. We just finished episodes 1-3 (so this portion of the thread is great) and I’m contemplating showing Rogue 1 or just jumping into 4-6.

You need to go back and watch Clone Wars then Ep 3 again. Then pick up with The Bad Batch, Solo, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Andor then Rebels then The Bad Batch (it was so good you should watch it twice), R1, Ep 4 - 6, then wrap it up with The Mandalorian/Book of Fett. Once you get there you can stop.

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“An empty vessel makes the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit are the greatest babblers.”. - Plato

I think the action scenes in episode 1 are really great, i just think we need better explanations for why they happen, create more suspense and connect more to the later themes.
L2L is basically turning it into a totally different movie with totally different action scenes.
And that brings up a different, maybe better idea. Maybe we should leave episode 1 alone, and hope for a better movie that takes place before episode 2 and has some formative scenes for young anakin and obi wan. And maybe they can meet some new big bads and say, "gosh, maybe there are more than 2 sith"

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My fellow southpaw Mark Brunell will probably always be my favorite Jaguar.

That's supposed to happen in the movies, man. The prequels should not be Anakin's story arc. They should be Obi-Wan's. He is the main protagonist. And of course I'm turning it into a different movie, more or less. Same basic plot, but reducing tons of unnecessary characters and exposition. The first couple movies just miss the mark.

Honestly, the action really doesn't change much from the first movie. You move the land fight from Naboo to Tatooine, and that's about it. You lose one Darth Maul scene, but that's replaced by the one at the end, plus the others to come from the remaining 2 movies. I'll probably write out Episode 2 tomorrow, which is what you're asking for. We should see some formative scenes with Obi-Wan and Anakin. It's bad writing that they barely even touched on that. Imo, my vision of episode 3 is the best, though, and why I feel it's necessary to change parts of 1 and 2 (so you don't ruin the surprise of movie 5).

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I agree. Darth Maul has to be the antagonist throughout the first three movies. Anakin has to be the one that defeats him. He needs to be struck down in anger. 

Back to Samurai Jedi, how cool would it be if the Jedi looked like this in their battles instead of the robes. I'd probably make it with beskar steel instead of the leather traditionally used, but in different colors and styles to represent the individual Jedi. I don't know. Just little things bummed me out about the first three. There's a whole world that could have been built. 

I understand why they didn’t change it too much.

If they change it too much, some fans throw a fit because “they didn’t stay true to the originals”.

Can’t please everyone I guess. I’m watching them for the first time with my son (7) and he is loving it. We just finished episodes 1-3 (so this portion of the thread is great) and I’m contemplating showing Rogue 1 or just jumping into 4-6.

I just don't get that argument (though I know some people would make it). The whole point is that Obi-Wan is in hiding when Luke meets him. It would honestly be stupid for him to be walking around everywhere in a Jedi uniform. Lucas said he based the Jedi on Samurai culture. Why not lean into that a bit more in the originals? Just my take.

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It's worse than just the uniform thing. Obi Wan wants to hide from Vader. Fine. So he goes to Vader's home planet? And Vader never thinks to look there?

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My fellow southpaw Mark Brunell will probably always be my favorite Jaguar.

The last Jedi was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. As a result, I didn’t bother to go to the theater for 9 (the thought of not catching a star wars movie in the theater would have been blasphemous to me many years ago.) though I eventually watched it on Disney+ and it wasn’t any better. I went to the theater twice for force awakens, not because I enjoyed it, but to see if the concerns I had leaving the theater the first time would go away on a second viewing. They didn’t. I haven’t watched Last Jedi a second time nor the last one whatever it’s called. Like many, I grew up obsessed with the original trilogy.

You’d have to try pretty hard to [BLEEP] up as bad as they did with the sequel trilogy. The writing and new characters all sucked. There’s really nothing redeeming about them to me. That said, my family recently went to Disney world and a few of their other parks. The Rise of the Resistance ride is pretty cool.

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The last Jedi was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. As a result, I didn’t bother to go to the theater for 9 (the thought of not catching a star wars movie in the theater would have been blasphemous to me many years ago.) though I eventually watched it on Disney+ and it wasn’t any better.  I went to the theater twice for force awakens, not because I enjoyed it, but to see if the concerns I had leaving the theater the first time would go away on a second viewing.  They didn’t. I haven’t watched Last Jedi a second time nor the last one whatever it’s called. Like many, I grew up obsessed with the original trilogy. 

You’d have to try pretty hard to [BLEEP] up as bad as they did with the sequel trilogy.  The writing and new characters all sucked.  There’s really nothing redeeming about them to me. That said, my family recently went to Disney world and a few of their other parks.  The Rise of the Resistance ride is pretty cool.

There are much worse movies out there, but 8 is by far the worst of the 9 movies. 8 had some really good stuff in it though.  Pretty much everything involving Luke was good.  Pretty much everything involving Leia was good. But the stuff they did with the younger characters was just bizarre.

How to fix 8:
No casino raid.  No casino planet.  No "DJ" character telling us the entire war is meaningless.  Give Finn and his friends a different raid to try to break the tracker, let the raid fail, but have Holdo say all along, "if your plan fails I will evacuate this ship." Still have her surprise the audience with the "Holdo maneuver" but she can do that maneuver by autopilot.

Rey's parents remaining unknown war casualties is fine.  But as she discovers it, give Luke a speech saying he has seen spontaneous mutations giving force sensitivity before and many of the Jedi he trained in the time between 6-7 did not have force sensitive parents. "The force doesn't always follow rules.  Sometimes it does what it wants."

The Kylo-Rey discussions-at-a-distance only occur when Kylo intentionally starts them.  Luke sees Kylo popping up in Rey's vision but is unconcerned.  "I taught him that.  I left before he could turn it into something really dangerous." "These holograms can be dangerous?" "If enough people see them!" Luke winks.

Rose doesn't crash Finn's ship.  Finn's ship breaks down on its own, and Rose steers hers to pick him up.  Finn insists that they continue with their suicide mission "these things don't have an autopilot!" But Rose says she can't.  Finn says it would be wrong to make her.  They fire off a few shots at the enemy and retreat.  No kiss.

Most importantly... more flashbacks from Luke.  Luke doesn't narrate them.  They just happen.  The story arc in the flashbacks explains where snoke came from and how he got Ben to become kylo.

---

My fellow southpaw Mark Brunell will probably always be my favorite Jaguar.

The last Jedi was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. As a result, I didn’t bother to go to the theater for 9 (the thought of not catching a star wars movie in the theater would have been blasphemous to me many years ago.) though I eventually watched it on Disney+ and it wasn’t any better.  I went to the theater twice for force awakens, not because I enjoyed it, but to see if the concerns I had leaving the theater the first time would go away on a second viewing.  They didn’t. I haven’t watched Last Jedi a second time nor the last one whatever it’s called. Like many, I grew up obsessed with the original trilogy. 

You’d have to try pretty hard to [BLEEP] up as bad as they did with the sequel trilogy.  The writing and new characters all sucked.  There’s really nothing redeeming about them to me. That said, my family recently went to Disney world and a few of their other parks.  The Rise of the Resistance ride is pretty cool.

There are much worse movies out there, but 8 is by far the worst of the 9 movies. 8 had some really good stuff in it though.  Pretty much everything involving Luke was good.  Pretty much everything involving Leia was good. But the stuff they did with the younger characters was just bizarre.

How to fix 8:
No casino raid.  No casino planet.  No "DJ" character telling us the entire war is meaningless.  Give Finn and his friends a different raid to try to break the tracker, let the raid fail, but have Holdo say all along, "if your plan fails I will evacuate this ship." Still have her surprise the audience with the "Holdo maneuver" but she can do that maneuver by autopilot.

Rey's parents remaining unknown war casualties is fine.  But as she discovers it, give Luke a speech saying he has seen spontaneous mutations giving force sensitivity before and many of the Jedi he trained in the time between 6-7 did not have force sensitive parents. "The force doesn't always follow rules.  Sometimes it does what it wants."

The Kylo-Rey discussions-at-a-distance only occur when Kylo intentionally starts them.  Luke sees Kylo popping up in Rey's vision but is unconcerned.  "I taught him that.  I left before he could turn it into something really dangerous." "These holograms can be dangerous?" "If enough people see them!" Luke winks.

Rose doesn't crash Finn's ship.  Finn's ship breaks down on its own, and Rose steers hers to pick him up.  Finn insists that they continue with their suicide mission "these things don't have an autopilot!" But Rose says she can't.  Finn says it would be wrong to make her.  They fire off a few shots at the enemy and retreat.  No kiss.

Most importantly... more flashbacks from Luke.  Luke doesn't narrate them.  They just happen.  The story arc in the flashbacks explains where snoke came from and how he got Ben to become kylo.

You'd have to do more than that to fix it. Honestly, I don't even understand the point of the last 3 movies at all. I don't understand where they are going. I don't get the moral. I don't understand what I'm rooting for. It's just a really weird set of movies that exist solely off the success of the original 3. I really believe having different directors was a problem in that series. I am a pretty creative guy, but I just can't really make a set of stories that remotely resemble the last three films that serve a purpose. It's a giant mess.

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There are much worse movies out there, but 8 is by far the worst of the 9 movies. 8 had some really good stuff in it though.  Pretty much everything involving Luke was good.  Pretty much everything involving Leia was good. But the stuff they did with the younger characters was just bizarre.

How to fix 8:
No casino raid.  No casino planet.  No "DJ" character telling us the entire war is meaningless.  Give Finn and his friends a different raid to try to break the tracker, let the raid fail, but have Holdo say all along, "if your plan fails I will evacuate this ship." Still have her surprise the audience with the "Holdo maneuver" but she can do that maneuver by autopilot.

Rey's parents remaining unknown war casualties is fine.  But as she discovers it, give Luke a speech saying he has seen spontaneous mutations giving force sensitivity before and many of the Jedi he trained in the time between 6-7 did not have force sensitive parents. "The force doesn't always follow rules.  Sometimes it does what it wants."

The Kylo-Rey discussions-at-a-distance only occur when Kylo intentionally starts them.  Luke sees Kylo popping up in Rey's vision but is unconcerned.  "I taught him that.  I left before he could turn it into something really dangerous." "These holograms can be dangerous?" "If enough people see them!" Luke winks.

Rose doesn't crash Finn's ship.  Finn's ship breaks down on its own, and Rose steers hers to pick him up.  Finn insists that they continue with their suicide mission "these things don't have an autopilot!" But Rose says she can't.  Finn says it would be wrong to make her.  They fire off a few shots at the enemy and retreat.  No kiss.

Most importantly... more flashbacks from Luke.  Luke doesn't narrate them.  They just happen.  The story arc in the flashbacks explains where snoke came from and how he got Ben to become kylo.

You'd have to do more than that to fix it. Honestly, I don't even understand the point of the last 3 movies at all. I don't understand where they are going. I don't get the moral. I don't understand what I'm rooting for. It's just a really weird set of movies that exist solely off the success of the original 3. I really believe having different directors was a problem in that series. I am a pretty creative guy, but I just can't really make a set of stories that remotely resemble the last three films that serve a purpose. It's a giant mess.

The point would be that Luke and Leia alone were not enough to recreate the entire Jedi tradition and academy.  The point would be that force sensitive people can come from anywhere, that anyone sensitive to the force is sensitive to both the light side and the dark side.  The light side is protecting the weak, building consensus, cooperating, and being the judges and police of the galaxy. The dark side is ambition and strife for its own sake, becoming the dictator of the galaxy. 
The story would center on Kylo's struggle to deal with both of these sides.  We find Kylo as the pure evil dictator,  wanting to control everything, but, he not only has a "force dyad" with Rey, he is romantically attracted to her.  So there is a love triangle, Rey, Finn, Kylo.  Rey wants nothing to do with romance at first because she doesn't feel safe and she feels like a worthless orphan.  Kylo offers her a chance to be someone significant, and he seems to be becoming less evil, but ultimately he can't resist his desire to oppress the whole universe with his powers, not even for Rey.  It's a anakin-padme dynamic but Rey doesn't get in as deep as Padme did.  Meanwhile Finn is just an "orphan" like her, and he only has a tiny bit of force sensitivity, and only when Rey is near.  But Rey figures out that Finn's MO is protecting people, just like her MO.  Finn and Rey have big hearts. Rey reciprocates his overtures and they become a couple.  Kylo and Snoke go down in flames.  The end.

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My fellow southpaw Mark Brunell will probably always be my favorite Jaguar.

Lol. Even your "simple" version is absurd. It's barely a story, man. The plot is so weak and contrived that it isn't a story worth telling.

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Lol. Even your "simple" version is absurd. It's barely a story, man. The plot is so weak and contrived that it isn't a story worth telling.

Meh, it's better than Twilight.
I agree it's not an epic like Luke and Vader being these long-prophesied people who would bring balance to the force or whatever.  The force now being in balance, any story told afterwards is going to be more about personal relationships and rivalries than the destiny of the universe.
There would still be epic moments and decision points with musical fanfare and everything. There would be subplots and flashbacks to the post episode 6 lives of Han, Leia, and Luke that I didn't mention. Luke, Leia, and Han would all continue to believe there was "some good" in Ben/Kylo to the end, even though he will ultimately go down in flames. Maybe have Snoke or another big bad guy try to kill Rey and Finn, Kylo jumps in front and takes a "bullet" for them, but it kills him. Kylo has a deathbed repentance just like Vader. It could work.

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My fellow southpaw Mark Brunell will probably always be my favorite Jaguar.

The point to the last three was to insert woke ideology into Star Wars by vilifying and killing off the heroes of the original trilolgy, creating new heroes in the Grrl Power, Magical Minority, and White Bumpkin tropes, making the entire Force concept become a post-modern deconstruction of Truth, and, like all modern movies, ensure that the bad guy is a rich white guy (or three). If they happened to tell a story people actually wanted and made some money doing it that would be pretty far down the list of considerations as we can tell by how they failed.

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“An empty vessel makes the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit are the greatest babblers.”. - Plato

The point to the last three was to insert woke ideology into Star Wars by vilifying and killing off the heroes of the original trilolgy, creating new heroes in the Grrl Power, Magical Minority, and White Bumpkin tropes, making the entire Force concept become a post-modern deconstruction of Truth, and, like all modern movies, ensure that the bad guy is a rich white guy (or three). If they happened to tell a story people actually wanted and made some money doing it that would be pretty far down the list of considerations as we can tell by how they failed.

There were minorities and bumpkins and girl power in the original trilogy.  That part didn't change.  You changed.  You started seeing everything as red vs. blue.  You didn't see it that way in the 80s.

But there is a nugget of truth behind your old man anger. They did intentionally insert queerness into the storylines and it is a big reason the movies didn't work. They put sexual tension between Po and Finn. But never develop it. They had Rey behave as if she was immune to attraction to any male, implying she is a lesbian. But never actually developing that either. Very hard to develop characters when even the writers can't firmly decide fundamental aspects of their identities.

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My fellow southpaw Mark Brunell will probably always be my favorite Jaguar.

You changed, FSG, but you're right, lol... but only about the things Mikey can see. It doesn't matter that the original 3 movies told a universally loved hero's journey, and the last 3 can barely put together a plot. It doesn't matter that there was a strong female in character that is beloved by the fans, or a black man who was a rogue, that still somehow redeemed himself and set the tone for "cool in the early 80's. It doesn't matter that there's a mary sue in these new ones who doesn't have an end game, character arc, or change in any significant way, other than to struggle romantically? You old man, you.

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