How long do I need to think about it? If it takes too long I start getting lightheaded cuz I can't breathe too.

 

 

 

Oh, you want him to think about it. Thank god.

Shhhh....you're messing up the curve for the rest of the class!!

---

What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is agoin' on here???

What's the difference between Justin Blackmon and TMD?

 

 

 

Blackmon is still eligible for re-instatement. 

---

When you get into the endzone, act like you've been there before.

I still like me knock knock, I eat mop joke.

---

Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


A: It's a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it.

---

Only a chump boos the home team!

The wife and I watched 3 movies back to back last night.

Glad I was the one facing the TV.

---

Blakes Life Matters

What do you call a flock of irate geese?

 

The Canadian Air Force

---

I'm sure you guys are smart enough to realize that being funny and being inappropriate aren't mutually exclusive.

 

I didn't get that memo..

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80% of what I talk about is nonesense.. the other 25% is made up statistics...


 

I didn't get that memo..

It was attached to the note explaining what the EU is.

---

It was attached to the note explaining what the EU is.

 

Gotcha..

---

80% of what I talk about is nonesense.. the other 25% is made up statistics...


 

How do you tell a French soldier from an American one?


Sunburned armpits.

---

“An empty vessel makes the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit are the greatest babblers.”. - Plato

Three old men were playing golf one day. One of them said, "Windy, isn't it?" The second one said, "No, it's Thursday." The third one said, "Me, too. Let's get a beer."

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How do you find Will Smith in the snow?




Look for the fresh prints.

---

What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is agoin' on here???

How many south Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?



A brazillion!

---

I just flew in from the battered women's shelter and boy are my arms tired.

---

A man goes to the doctor for an exam, and the doctor says, "We really need to get you on something to help out with your flatulence."

The man says, "Oh no, really doc? How did you know?"

The doctor replies, "It's making your colonoscopy very difficult."

 

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Don't know. They won't quit complaining about the light being out.

 

Three friends are stranded on an island together, and one of them comes across a magic lamp. A genie pops out and tells them that he will grant each man one wish. The first man wishes that he could return to his family, and it is done. The second man has moved on from his family, and wishes to be single in Miami with ten million dollars. Done. The third man stops for a moment and says, "You know, I really like it here. It's peaceful, it's remote, but man, it's going to be wonderful having this place to myself. I just wish my friends could be here with m--oh [BLEEP]."

---

How do you congratulate Jason Pierre Paul after a sack?

 

 

A high 4.

 

---

When you get into the endzone, act like you've been there before.

How do you congratulate Jason Pierre Paul after a sack?



A high 4.

More like a 3 and a half.

---

More like a 3 and a half.

 

Either way, he's an explosive player.

---

When you get into the endzone, act like you've been there before.

Either way, he's an explosive player.

He can get down in a 2 point stance and shoot off that line like a bottle rocket

---

Either way, he's an explosive player.

...he's got that 'pop' in his hands.

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I'm trying to make myself more informed and less opinionated.

Stop saying whatever stupid thing you're talking about and pay attention to all the interesting things I have to say!