Wanna hear a pencil joke?


Never mind, it’s pointless.

---

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

---

My kid wants to invent a pencil with erasers at both ends..

I just don't see the point.

---

I went to the zoo today and they only had one animal, it was a dog.

It was a Shih tzu

---

Dad humor matures when it reaches full groan.

---

“An empty vessel makes the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit are the greatest babblers.”. - Plato

You can't plant flowers if you haven't botany..

---

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

I went to the zoo today and they only had one animal, it was a dog.

It was a Shih tzu

I stole both of these at work today.

---

Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?

Because they lactose.

I went to the zoo today and they only had one animal, it was a dog.

It was a Shih tzu

I stole both of these at work today.

I stole the chicken egg amazon.


Alien #1 points his ray gun at the gas pump and demands - “Take us to your leader”
Alien #2 cautions alien #1 “I don’t know about this”
Alien #1 again demands “take us to your leader, or else”
Alien #2 again cautions alien #1 – “I don’t know about this, he looks mean”
Alien #1 offers one last chance to which the gas pump doesn’t respond … Pulls the ray gun trigger and KABOOM!
The aliens land a kilometer (because of course they use the metric system) away all charred and mangled. And alien #1 ask alien #2 … “How did you know how mean he would be? Alien #2 answers … Anyone who can wrap their wanker around them twice and stick it in their ear has got to be mean.

---

I recall a B-17 Ball Turret (Belly Gunner) told me this one.

A pair of aliens land on earth next to a closed down gas station.  The aliens approach the gas station, and converse with a gas pump.

Alien #1 points his ray gun at the gas pump and demands - “Take us to your leader”
Alien #2 cautions alien #1 “I don’t know about this”
Alien #1 again demands “take us to your leader, or else”
Alien #2 again cautions alien #1 – “I don’t know about this, he looks mean”
Alien #1 offers one last chance to which the gas pump doesn’t respond … Pulls the ray gun trigger and KABOOM!

The aliens land a kilometer (because of course they use the metric system) away all charred and mangled. And alien #1 ask alien #2 … “How did you know how mean he would be? Alien #2 answers … Anyone who can wrap their wanker around them twice and stick it in their ear has got to be mean.

---

What has four letters, occasionally has twelve letter, but never has five letters.

Now you know.

---

Why do you bring an extra pair of socks to the golf course?

Just in case you get a hole in one.

---

Pull my finger.

---

What did the one-finned seal say to the shark? Do not consume if seal is broken.

---

A cheese factory exploded in France..

Da brie is everywhere..

---

I used to be addicted to the hokie pokey but I turned myself around.

---

I keep hearing a buzzing noise in my ear. Doctor said it’s just a bug going around.

---

I met your mother on Ancestry.com

That’s a titans dad joke. (At least, I hope it was).

---

I met your mother on Ancestry.com

That’s a titans dad joke. (At least, I hope it was).

That's awesome. +1

---

"Remember Red, Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies."  - Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption

3.14% of sailors are pi-rates

100% are (I’ll spell it…) Seaman.

That sounds a little like the old "What's long and hard and full of Seamen?" joke.....

---

"Remember Red, Hope is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies."  - Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption

3.14% of sailors are pi-rates

100% are (I’ll spell it…) Seaman.

Nope. They are either seaman, fireman, airman, constructionman or hospitalman.

Most of the Navy folks you see at NAS Jax are VP pukes who will never set foot on a ship.

I’m showing my fleet sailor bias. I was an airman, btw. 

---

100% are (I’ll spell it…) Seaman.

That sounds a little like the old "What's long and hard and full of Seamen?" joke.....

That’s what I was going for

---

A horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Hey buddy, why the long face?"











also works with Sarah Jessica Parker, but that's more mom joke than dad's

---