Cops: $1,188 worth of panties stolen from Ocala Victoria's Secret store
 

<b>OCALA -- </b>

Police in Marion County are searching for a suspect who stole 75 panties worth $1,188 from a Victoria's Secret store.

 

http://www.mynews13.com/content/news/cfn..._of_p.html

 

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Wants to join the "cereal box" dating service. I've dated enough flakes and nuts...all I want is the prize now.

I'm confused as to how $1,188 worth of Victoria's Secret panties ended up in Ocala in the first place...

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"You do your own thing in your own time. You should be proud."

I'm just surprised there's a Victoria secret in Ocala?

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So now Ocala will be known for missing teeth and missing panties.

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I survived the Gus Bradley Error.

I'm just surprised there's a Victoria secret in Ocala?

 

That's what I was thinking.  I was in Ocala like a couple years ago.  It seemed like there was absolutely nothing there.

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I'm confused as to how $1,188 worth of Victoria's Secret panties ended up in Ocala in the first place...

 

Where else are grannies from The Villages supposed to get their sexy panties?

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Kaishakunin for hire.

* (disclaimer) If you think I'm serious, hit yourself in the face w/ a hammer.

 

I know a manager at one of the stores out at the Avenues Mall here in Jax.  They have a direct line of sight to the Victoria's Secret store there.  These stores all keep an eye out for each other as the managers know each other and they're all dealing with the same shoplifting issues. 

 

This particular manager told a story about an incident a year or two ago at the VS store involving a woman in a halter dress that probably tipped the scales at around 250 lbs. 

 

This svelte lass walked into VS with a booster bag, which is nothing more than a shopping bag that has been lined with foil to prevent the sensors from triggering when they're boosting merchandise from stores.  My friend recognized the tactic right away and called mall security and the manager at VS to let them know what was happening. 

 

This rubenesque goddess walked into the store and went to a table loaded with sale items and proceeded to wipe them off the table and into her bag.  The manager approached her in mid swipe which obviously created a bit of a panic in the store.  This hunk of burning love took off full sprint out into the mall (my friend was saying she probably ran about a 7.5 40, and the whole thing was like watching slow motion action).  When she got out of the store, she was probably surprised to be greeted by a couple of mall cops who were just arriving.  The shoplifter tried to run towards Dillards, but wound up being blocked by another security guard.

 

At this point in the story, the manager telling the story could barely contain his laughter.  The shoplifter, donning a strapless halter dress, went down into a 3 point stance, eyed the smallest of the 4 security guards on the scene, and launched like a defensive lineman in his direction screaming at the top of her lungs as she rocketed in his direction.  According to my friend, the security guard recognized right away that he was no match or this behemoth, so he started to drop to avoid the full power of her size and momentum.  As she plowed into him, the dress released the puppies and this poor guy took a full frontal hit in motor boat fashion.  Despite being nearly smothered by the National Geographic style tatas, and crushed by her linebacker size, this poor sap held on for dear life as one of the other mall cops jumped on the beast and brought her to the ground.  Unfortunately, the only thing he could hang on to was that halter dress, so what started out as a wardrobe malfunction became a catastrophic failure pretty quickly.  He broke her momentum, but she managed to crawl over the top of him, the dress peeling off every step of the way.  Fortunately, the other guards were able to wrangle her to the ground where they contained her and marched her off to the mall security office to await JSO.  Unfortunately, she was fully commando under the halter dress, and the mall cop who took the brunt of her assault was left holding the garment, and trying to erase the horrors that had crawled over his face in the seconds before.

 

My friend said it probably hurt the food sales in the food court because they didn't bother to cover her up.  They were trying to remove her from the main area of the mall quickly hoping nobody would notice the screaming fat chick with no clothes on.  He also said the poor guy who took the direct hit was given a nickname as a result of the incident.  He was, and still is called roadkill by those who witnessed the event.  I'm sure he probably required some therapy afterward. 

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Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Where else are grannies from The Villages supposed to get their sexy panties?

The VS store servicing The Villages is probably one of the higher volume stores in the country based on the debauchery that takes place in that community.

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Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

I know a manager at one of the stores out at the Avenues Mall here in Jax.  They have a direct line of sight to the Victoria's Secret store there.  These stores all keep an eye out for each other as the managers know each other and they're all dealing with the same shoplifting issues. 

 

This particular manager told a story about an incident a year or two ago at the VS store involving a woman in a halter dress that probably tipped the scales at around 250 lbs. 

 

This svelte lass walked into VS with a booster bag, which is nothing more than a shopping bag that has been lined with foil to prevent the sensors from triggering when they're boosting merchandise from stores.  My friend recognized the tactic right away and called mall security and the manager at VS to let them know what was happening. 

 

This rubenesque goddess walked into the store and went to a table loaded with sale items and proceeded to wipe them off the table and into her bag.  The manager approached her in mid swipe which obviously created a bit of a panic in the store.  This hunk of burning love took off full sprint out into the mall (my friend was saying she probably ran about a 7.5 40, and the whole thing was like watching slow motion action).  When she got out of the store, she was probably surprised to be greeted by a couple of mall cops who were just arriving.  The shoplifter tried to run towards Dillards, but wound up being blocked by another security guard.

 

At this point in the story, the manager telling the story could barely contain his laughter.  The shoplifter, donning a strapless halter dress, went down into a 3 point stance, eyed the smallest of the 4 security guards on the scene, and launched like a defensive lineman in his direction screaming at the top of her lungs as she rocketed in his direction.  According to my friend, the security guard recognized right away that he was no match or this behemoth, so he started to drop to avoid the full power of her size and momentum.  As she plowed into him, the dress released the puppies and this poor guy took a full frontal hit in motor boat fashion.  Despite being nearly smothered by the National Geographic style tatas, and crushed by her linebacker size, this poor sap held on for dear life as one of the other mall cops jumped on the beast and brought her to the ground.  Unfortunately, the only thing he could hang on to was that halter dress, so what started out as a wardrobe malfunction became a catastrophic failure pretty quickly.  He broke her momentum, but she managed to crawl over the top of him, the dress peeling off every step of the way.  Fortunately, the other guards were able to wrangle her to the ground where they contained her and marched her off to the mall security office to await JSO.  Unfortunately, she was fully commando under the halter dress, and the mall cop who took the brunt of her assault was left holding the garment, and trying to erase the horrors that had crawled over his face in the seconds before.

 

My friend said it probably hurt the food sales in the food court because they didn't bother to cover her up.  They were trying to remove her from the main area of the mall quickly hoping nobody would notice the screaming fat chick with no clothes on.  He also said the poor guy who took the direct hit was given a nickname as a result of the incident.  He was, and still is called roadkill by those who witnessed the event.  I'm sure he probably required some therapy afterward. 

 

I'm sure it was all captured on security video cameras.

 

When will it be out?

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I survived the Gus Bradley Error.

I'm sure it was all captured on security video cameras.

 

When will it be out?

This is over a year ago, so I'm skeptical it will ever be made public.  What a treat if it did though!

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Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.