Uncoupling  is apparently the new thing to do when you don't want to stay in a relationship with your spouse but you don't want to divorce for whatever reason. 

 

"The Tates, who went with their own version of "uncoupling," believed this was a way to break up their marriage without animosity, but it required an unconventional approach -- Clark and Valerie still live together in the same house, with separate bedrooms, and maintain joint assets, but have an open marriage, meaning they date other people."

 

That's all well and good, except they have a 10 year old son who lives with them and is a witness to what is going on. How can it be okay for a kid to know his parents are dating other people while still living together? 

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How can it be okay for a kid to know his parents are dating other people while still living together? 

Rather than have the kid witness a messy divorce, see his parents fight over custody and end up having the spent the weekends at his father's bachelor apartment while his dad sleeps on the couch?

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My dad married 5 different women in a 25 year span so I know what seeing parents divorce looks like. It wasn't ideal but I can't see myself as a kid living in the same house with my parents while they sleep in different bedrooms and dating other people. I would always have the impression that my parents may get back together only to get disappointed time and again when they brought their respective partners around. At least with a divorce it's final and there really is no question. My parents divorced when I was 4 years old and there was never any doubt there would be reconciliation. This, to me, confuses everyone involved.

 

Also, my ex-husband and I lived in the same house but in separate rooms and he had a girlfriend. At the time neither one of us could afford to divorce and go our separate ways. I hated every second of it. Even though it was the 'sensible' thing to do at the time and the marriage was most definitely over, it was torture. He never brought her around but it didn't matter. It still sucked.

 

Plus, the adults are the ones who decide how they behave when going through a divorce. They choose whether to act like responsible adults or bratty children. 

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My dad married 5 different women in a 25 year span so I know what seeing parents divorce looks like. It wasn't ideal but I can't see myself as a kid living in the same house with my parents while they sleep in different bedrooms and dating other people. I would always have the impression that my parents may get back together only to get disappointed time and again when they brought their respective partners around. At least with a divorce it's final and there really is no question. My parents divorced when I was 4 years old and there was never any doubt there would be reconciliation. This, to me, confuses everyone involved.

 

Also, my ex-husband and I lived in the same house but in separate rooms and he had a girlfriend. At the time neither one of us could afford to divorce and go our separate ways. I hated every second of it. Even though it was the 'sensible' thing to do at the time and the marriage was most definitely over, it was torture. He never brought her around but it didn't matter. It still sucked.

 

Plus, the adults are the ones who decide how they behave when going through a divorce. They choose whether to act like responsible adults or bratty children.

Except for this kid, his parents are still together. Mom and dad are there as his parents, they're just not having sex together but what 10 year old is thinking about that about his parents any way?

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What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is agoin' on here???

That's all well and good, except they have a 10 year old son who lives with them and is a witness to what is going on. How can it be okay for a kid to know his parents are dating other people while still living together? 

I was, what, 7 when my parents divorced? It started out as amicably as any divorce could have back then, but the question of custody got very ugly. I can say with 100% certainty that I would much rather have had both of my parents sit me down and explain how uncoupling works to me than go through the year that the divorce took over again. I'm sure it would have caused some very weird looks at school if I had mentioned that my parents were still married but seeing other people, maybe even earned me a, "Don't talk about that," from a teacher, but it would have been much easier on me to see the marriage dissolve naturally than get torn to shreds.

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I was, what, 7 when my parents divorced? It started out as amicably as any divorce could have back then, but the question of custody got very ugly. I can say with 100% certainty that I would much rather have had both of my parents sit me down and explain how uncoupling works to me than go through the year that the divorce took over again. I'm sure it would have caused some very weird looks at school if I had mentioned that my parents were still married but seeing other people, maybe even earned me a, "Don't talk about that," from a teacher, but it would have been much easier on me to see the marriage dissolve naturally than get torn to shreds.

Don't take this as an insult directed at your parents, but the animosity level during and after a divorce is more a factor of the personalities of the parties involved, then it is the method of separation. 

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When you get into the endzone, act like you've been there before.

Don't take this as an insult directed at your parents, but the animosity level during and after a divorce is more a factor of the personalities of the parties involved, then it is the method of separation.

This is so true. And like I said, the adults choose to behave the way they do. Especially how they act in front of or around the kids.

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Except for this kid, his parents are still together. Mom and dad are there as his parents, they're just not having sex together but what 10 year old is thinking about that about his parents any way?

I guess my idea of how a family lives is very different. I couldn't imagine living with parents knowing they weren't together. I assume these folks told their kid why they live this way. It just seems so strange.

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I guess my idea of how a family lives is very different. I couldn't imagine living with parents knowing they weren't together. I assume these folks told their kid why they live this way. It just seems so strange.

The kid might not know the difference or realize there is anything unusual about his/her parents as long as they were all living in the same house and the "dating" is not visible.  When one parent begins having overnight "guests", is when the situation gets a little weird and the kid will start asking questions. 

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When you get into the endzone, act like you've been there before.

Weird.

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The kid might not know the difference or realize there is anything unusual about his/her parents as long as they were all living in the same house and the "dating" is not visible.  When one parent begins having overnight "guests", is when the situation gets a little weird and the kid will start asking questions. 

I get what you're saying. I still find it to be a strange set up. But, whatever works for them I guess. I know it was hard enough for me when I lived this way without a kid involved. To have a kid in the mix would just be too much. To each their own.

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