A china man goes up to his wife and says

 

I want a 69

 

She looks at him and says

 

 

Its past 10 O clock at night, why you want a beef with broccoli ?

---

Not a good start.

---

I'm trying to make myself more informed and less opinionated.

Stop saying whatever stupid thing you're talking about and pay attention to all the interesting things I have to say!

Haha yeah, that was pretty terrible.

 

How do you [BAD WORD REMOVED] your girlfriend off during sex?

Call her on the phone.

 

-

okay, or... how do you "pee" your girlfriend off... stupid [BLEEP] [BLEEP]

---

"I'll die young, but it's like kissing God."

yall so lame.

 

let me guess

 

 

yall so pc

---

Haha yeah, that was pretty terrible.

 

How do you [BAD WORD REMOVED] your girlfriend off during sex?

Call her on the phone.

 

-

okay, or... how do you "pee" your girlfriend off... stupid [BAD WORD REMOVED] [BAD WORD REMOVED]

manpurse  ,lol

 

 

let me guess

 

 

first name  Ben

 

 

 

last name  Dover

---

Jokes don't have the same impact in text. Half of the joke is the delivery impossible to do in text.

---

Jokes don't have the same impact in text. Half of the joke is the delivery impossible to do in text.

i agree

 

at work they ltfao

 

bad idea i guess

---

All the good jokes will get censored. 

---

I got to say, I'm not sure if I get your joke ibjagged. I think I might... and then no.

---

All the good jokes will get censored. 

yep

 

 

hypocritacal haters gonna hate

---

For the older guys...


A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.


Suddenly, Lorraine died.


At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

---

Blakes Life Matters

A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands.


But it also lit up her arm, too!


Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.


A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her in the knee. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.


When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm."

---

Instead of a sign that says "Do Not Disturb" I need one that says "Already Disturbed Proceed With Caution."

If the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans?


Hey..I've got some warnings hangin on my repitoire....best I can do

---

Blakes Life Matters

Saw this on a buddy's facebook wonder if it's funny without the picture?

 

All things are made in China,

 

 

 

Except Babies

 

 

 

they're made in,

 

VaChina!

---

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Wyoming, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."


The old rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there" as he points out the location.


The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the farmer. See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"


The old rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.


A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life, chased close behind by the rancher's prize bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get horned before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.


The old rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs. "Your badge! Show him your badge!"

---

What in the Wide Wide World of Sports is agoin' on here???

Yo mama is so old that I told her to act her own age, and she died.

---

"Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot."

For the older guys...


A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.


Suddenly, Lorraine died.


At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

LOL

---

What's the difference between an onion and a prostitute?
I've never cried in the middle of cutting up an onion...
 
<i>HURRRRRRRRRRR</i>
 
 
-
hahaaaaa I [BAD WORD REMOVED] it up at first
 
-
or, maybe not?  Idk, maybe it works either way?  I'm obsessing over this now, because this is pertinent business dammit.

---

"I'll die young, but it's like kissing God."