(12-17-2019, 03:05 PM)Mikey Wrote: my topical contribution:

approaching the holidays with the mentality of "our family is buying gifts for you, so here's some things you can get for us" disgusts me. That's not how 'gift' works.

I've become much more attuned to anxiety causing my hostility over the past year. I've noticed panic attacks where I feel trapped into a compulsion from someone else's norms without means of extracting myself from the mandate. Sometimes this is attending a crowded event. Sometimes it's something stupid like going along with a family Halloween costume when you really don't feel comfortable being dressed up. Sometimes it's being judged over whether your gift is timely, or comparable to that given to you in return. I've learned to opt out rather than forcing myself into the equivalent of a pit of serpents. I still can't help but feel the judgment for not going along with the flow.

I apologize if this is not trivial. It is therapeutic, though. Sorry for distracting from the airing of wife-related grievances.

I've lived with anxiety my whole life. At one point it was pretty horrific. It's managed now with a complete change in life and Xanax during the more stressful times of the year or anytime I have to shop at Hellmart or Lowe's. I

My in-laws do the "draw a name and spend $25 on who you drew" but they all still buy everyone a few gifts. This makes it absurdly awkward for me and my husband who spend $25 on each person we drew and something for each other and that's it for his family. Especially when we all have to sit around and open the gifts one at a time and say who they're from so our names only get called out twice for gifts we bought. I hate it because it makes me feel super uncomfortable even though it's what we all should be doing. But I won't cave to the pressure. No one actually pressures us but we still feel it. 

I don't go with the flow with most things and I'm at an age now (47) that I don't care more often than not. It's all temporary anyway.

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