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Need to RANT?! Do it here. Not for trivial crap.

#1

It's a good thing I made no new year resolutions for pretty much anything, but especially fitness. A bone spur has grown back on the acromial bone of my left shoulder which means I get to have surgery again. Subacromial decompression surgery and recovery is NOT fun. I had it done four years ago. I do not want another surgery but if I don't get this done I will have no range of motion in my shoulder and the spur will continue to shred my labrum and anything else it comes into contact with rendering my arm useless when it's all said and done. So this will make it four surgeries in five years and I swear every time I go under I come back with memory issues that are turning out to be not so short term. I get an MRI tomorrow and my follow-up with my ortho surgeon is Friday. Stupid MRI costs money and isn't necessary except insurance is requiring it. 

That on top of a lifetime recovery of having  3 inches removed from my sigmoid colon in 2018 and that surgery throwing me into menopause (because who knew major abdominal surgery could screw up your hormones? And when it happens to a woman my age it's not temporary, it can put her in menopause)..... I feel overwhelmed more often that not these days. I used to be so strong and capable of doing whatever needed to be done or whatever I wanted to do. I could go build houses, hike the mountains for hours with a full pack, rake my yard filling my truck bed over and over with leaves to take to the burn pit and light on fire, pull the tall ladder out and clean out the gutters on my house, tear it up at the gym on weights then go walk a five mile trail, etc. 

None of this happens now. It takes so much effort to do anything. Most of it is mental. Hormone crap can really jack you up mentally. I've always used physical activity to manage my anxiety and depression with pretty good success. Now that I can't even lift a bowl of soup with my left arm weight training is out of the question. I can go for a walk or get on the treadmill during cold or rainy weather but I cannot swing my arm or it's like Freddy Kruger with gigantic knives tearing through my muscle and soft tissue. It's hard to walk and not move your arm unless you strap it to your torso which may have to be what I resort to. 

I'm just so sick of this [BLEEP]. Thankfully my husband is very supportive and helps when he can but he works 12 hours night shift with a two hour roundtrip commute so he's not able to do a whole lot because he has to sleep some time. It's just hard to go from that girl who could and would get [BLEEP] done to the one who can hardly wash her own hair in the shower.
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#2

Tough times make tough people.

You’ll bounce back from this stronger than before.
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#3

(02-03-2020, 06:31 PM)Cleatwood Wrote: Tough times make tough people.

You’ll bounce back from this stronger than before.

Thanks man. I have one of these mental blowouts about once a week and usually on a day where the pain level is 10 out of 10 and I'm just done. Toast. All things are temporary except death. That's pretty permanent.
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#4

(02-03-2020, 04:42 PM)americus 2.0 Wrote: It's a good thing I made no new year resolutions for pretty much anything, but especially fitness. A bone spur has grown back on the acromial bone of my left shoulder which means I get to have surgery again. Subacromial decompression surgery and recovery is NOT fun. I had it done four years ago. I do not want another surgery but if I don't get this done I will have no range of motion in my shoulder and the spur will continue to shred my labrum and anything else it comes into contact with rendering my arm useless when it's all said and done. So this will make it four surgeries in five years and I swear every time I go under I come back with memory issues that are turning out to be not so short term. I get an MRI tomorrow and my follow-up with my ortho surgeon is Friday. Stupid MRI costs money and isn't necessary except insurance is requiring it. 

That on top of a lifetime recovery of having  3 inches removed from my sigmoid colon in 2018 and that surgery throwing me into menopause (because who knew major abdominal surgery could screw up your hormones? And when it happens to a woman my age it's not temporary, it can put her in menopause)..... I feel overwhelmed more often that not these days. I used to be so strong and capable of doing whatever needed to be done or whatever I wanted to do. I could go build houses, hike the mountains for hours with a full pack, rake my yard filling my truck bed over and over with leaves to take to the burn pit and light on fire, pull the tall ladder out and clean out the gutters on my house, tear it up at the gym on weights then go walk a five mile trail, etc. 

None of this happens now. It takes so much effort to do anything. Most of it is mental. Hormone crap can really jack you up mentally. I've always used physical activity to manage my anxiety and depression with pretty good success. Now that I can't even lift a bowl of soup with my left arm weight training is out of the question. I can go for a walk or get on the treadmill during cold or rainy weather but I cannot swing my arm or it's like Freddy Kruger with gigantic knives tearing through my muscle and soft tissue. It's hard to walk and not move your arm unless you strap it to your torso which may have to be what I resort to. 

I'm just so sick of this [BLEEP]. Thankfully my husband is very supportive and helps when he can but he works 12 hours night shift with a two hour roundtrip commute so he's not able to do a whole lot because he has to sleep some time. It's just hard to go from that girl who could and would get [BLEEP] done to the one who can hardly wash her own hair in the shower.

So sorry about all this. Thank you for sharing with us. Helps us have something specific to pray that things improve. I know I'm not alone in saying we are pulling for you in all of these things, and hope that in light of all the frustration, you still find things that bring a smile to your face. You mentioned that your husband is away or asleep a lot of the time - do you have friends/family nearby to help out with things? Don't try to carry the load yourself. Even if all they do is come by to share coffee and a muffin, that time to unpack the headaches can be so relieving. I really hope you have people like that nearby that you can lean on. Don't hurt yourself more by trying to go beyond what your body tells you it can handle.

Keep us posted as things progress. You are great. You will get through this!
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#5

(02-04-2020, 10:06 AM)Mikey Wrote:
(02-03-2020, 04:42 PM)americus 2.0 Wrote: It's a good thing I made no new year resolutions for pretty much anything, but especially fitness. A bone spur has grown back on the acromial bone of my left shoulder which means I get to have surgery again. Subacromial decompression surgery and recovery is NOT fun. I had it done four years ago. I do not want another surgery but if I don't get this done I will have no range of motion in my shoulder and the spur will continue to shred my labrum and anything else it comes into contact with rendering my arm useless when it's all said and done. So this will make it four surgeries in five years and I swear every time I go under I come back with memory issues that are turning out to be not so short term. I get an MRI tomorrow and my follow-up with my ortho surgeon is Friday. Stupid MRI costs money and isn't necessary except insurance is requiring it. 

That on top of a lifetime recovery of having  3 inches removed from my sigmoid colon in 2018 and that surgery throwing me into menopause (because who knew major abdominal surgery could screw up your hormones? And when it happens to a woman my age it's not temporary, it can put her in menopause)..... I feel overwhelmed more often that not these days. I used to be so strong and capable of doing whatever needed to be done or whatever I wanted to do. I could go build houses, hike the mountains for hours with a full pack, rake my yard filling my truck bed over and over with leaves to take to the burn pit and light on fire, pull the tall ladder out and clean out the gutters on my house, tear it up at the gym on weights then go walk a five mile trail, etc. 

None of this happens now. It takes so much effort to do anything. Most of it is mental. Hormone crap can really jack you up mentally. I've always used physical activity to manage my anxiety and depression with pretty good success. Now that I can't even lift a bowl of soup with my left arm weight training is out of the question. I can go for a walk or get on the treadmill during cold or rainy weather but I cannot swing my arm or it's like Freddy Kruger with gigantic knives tearing through my muscle and soft tissue. It's hard to walk and not move your arm unless you strap it to your torso which may have to be what I resort to. 

I'm just so sick of this [BLEEP]. Thankfully my husband is very supportive and helps when he can but he works 12 hours night shift with a two hour roundtrip commute so he's not able to do a whole lot because he has to sleep some time. It's just hard to go from that girl who could and would get [BLEEP] done to the one who can hardly wash her own hair in the shower.

So sorry about all this. Thank you for sharing with us. Helps us have something specific to pray that things improve. I know I'm not alone in saying we are pulling for you in all of these things, and hope that in light of all the frustration, you still find things that bring a smile to your face. You mentioned that your husband is away or asleep a lot of the time - do you have friends/family nearby to help out with things? Don't try to carry the load yourself. Even if all they do is come by to share coffee and a muffin, that time to unpack the headaches can be so relieving. I really hope you have people like that nearby that you can lean on. Don't hurt yourself more by trying to go beyond what your body tells you it can handle.

Keep us posted as things progress. You are great. You will get through this!

Thanks Mikey. I do have a good support system of family and friends and it's helpful. I just get so frustrated by my lack of ability to do much and the constant pain of which there is no relief thanks to the opioid crisis which is especially bad here in NC. The doctors are scared [BLEEP] to prescribe anything and our pain clinic here in town is a joke. 

My next appointment is Friday with my ortho surgeon.
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#6

Hang In there this to shall pass, it might pass like a kidney stone but it will pass!
[Image: 5_RdfH.gif]
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#7

(02-05-2020, 01:20 PM)EricC85 Wrote: Hang In there this to shall pass, it might pass like a kidney stone but it will pass!

Thanks man. I appreciate it.
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#8

It shall pass. It’s in a book I am not allowed to reference. But trust “me”. It will. Stay strong my friend.
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#9

(02-05-2020, 06:48 PM)Jags Wrote: It shall pass.  It’s in a book I am not allowed to reference.  But trust “me”.  It will.  Stay strong my friend.

I'm with you on that. I know Who has my back.
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#10

(02-06-2020, 07:18 PM)americus 2.0 Wrote:
(02-05-2020, 06:48 PM)Jags Wrote: It shall pass.  It’s in a book I am not allowed to reference.  But trust “me”.  It will.  Stay strong my friend.

I'm with you on that. I know Who has my back.

He and many others here on top of your friends and family.  But you know that.  We all find ourselves in positions that are less than desirable.  But whatever is presented to us will never be more than we can handle.  No matter how hard it seems to be.  We’ll get stronger and learn something from it.  You’ve got this!
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#11

Hoping for better news today!
“An empty vessel makes the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit are the greatest babblers.”. - Plato

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