I've been watching this thread and I feel for you BigJag. Hang in there and be strong.
As to the whole "it being with another woman" thing... I was hurting for him. Once I read that it was a woman, I hurt a lot less. I know it still hurts but just saying that I can understand the hurting less than if another man was involved. I guess the way I see it there seems to be less betrayal knowing, "oh, she has major issues going on" rather than "I'm not good enough in whatever way to keep her"
Not sure that makes sense or not. Again, I'm not saying it still wouldn't or shouldn't hurt. But at least (if all what she said is true) he can confidently walk away knowing it wasn't anything he did.
Having been in a somewhat similar situation I will say that it sounds like she wants you to make the decision for her. She doesn't want to be the one to end the marriage, she still cares for you on some level but not enough to end the other relationship. She wants you to either stay with her and allow her to explore the other relationship and see where it goes or be the one to end the marriage. Hope I am wrong, you deserve better than this.
I think deep down the idea of your woman cheating with a woman is less disturbing of an image in our minds rather than... you know... penetration by another man
Quote:
As to the whole "it being with another woman" thing... I was hurting for him. Once I read that it was a woman, I hurt a lot less. I know it still hurts but just saying that I can understand the hurting less than if another man was involved. I guess the way I see it there seems to be less betrayal knowing, "oh, she has major issues going on" rather than "I'm not good enough in whatever way to keep her"
Nope.
I know society wants to try and push that angle, but that don't flush for me.
"Issues" my [BAD WORD REMOVED]!!.....
Its no different than cheating on him with a man! Not seeing at all how it is supposed to hurt less or be less of a betrayal.
Quote:....I will say that it sounds like she wants you to make the decision for her. She doesn't want to be the one to end the marriage, she still cares for you on some level but not enough to end the other relationship. She wants you to either stay with her and allow her to explore the other relationship and see where it goes or be the one to end the marriage....
Lets cut the crap here, the above translated into reality is this:
She's a selfish [BAD WORD REMOVED] who only cares about herself. End of story.
I guess the only silver lining is at least he finds this out now instead of later so he can get this out of the way quicker and move on with his life.
Quote:I think deep down the idea of your woman cheating with a woman is less disturbing of an image in our minds rather than... you know... penetration by another man
Yeah, that's another way to put it. I agree.
How could it be 'better' if it is a woman?
Hell, I'd feel worse.
Quote:Nope.
I know society wants to try and push that angle, but that don't flush for me.
"Issues" my [BAD WORD REMOVED]!!.....
Its no different than cheating on him with a man! Not seeing at all how it is supposed to hurt less.
She's a selfish [BAD WORD REMOVED] who only cares about herself. End of story.
I guess the only silver lining is at least he finds this out now instead of later so he can get this out of the way quicker.
I wasn't trying to say that it was ok. It's not ok regardless of who it's with. When I said " issues" I felt it was more polite than saying he married a crazy nut job that is screwed up in the head. This meaning the cheating had absolutely nothing to do with anything in his control. Therefore he can walk away not wondering "what if I did this more" or " had I only..." Unless he can drop hid pally Wally and grow a hoo ha that is.
I'm not good at expressing myself in words but hope that explains it. Had nothing to do with society or anything.
Quote:Well, I'm not going to dispute that, however, in the context that I heard the women using that line was not said because they were trying to turn anyone else on, but using it as an excuse for their cheating. They pretty much saw it as a "sex loophole" in their minds.
I agreed with your initial comment - being that sex is sex and its still cheating even if its with another woman.
Yeah...man or woman, it doesn't matter if you're looking outside your marriage for happiness....unless you have that kind of arrangement with each other before hand. I'm not judging...that works for some couples.
Quote:How could it be 'better' if it is a woman?
Hell, I'd feel worse.
Yeah..."turning a woman gay" doesn't sound like a major selling point.
Quote:Well, I'm not going to dispute that, however, in the context that I heard the women using that line was not said because they were trying to turn anyone else on, but using it as an excuse for their cheating. They pretty much saw it as a "sex loophole" in their minds.
Well, you know how the saying goes... " better for a woman to have a sex loophole than a man to have a sex poophole."
Quote:Well, you know how the saying goes... " better for a woman to have a sex loophole than a man to have a sex poophole."
I've never heard that saying before...and I'm glad I hadn't!! :blink:
Quote:Yeah...man or woman, it doesn't matter if you're looking outside your marriage for happiness....unless you have that kind of arrangement with each other before hand. I'm not judging...that works for some couples.
I knew someone that always advertised she was in an open relationship, just blew my mind. Still does, I'm not positive her husband was aware she was in an open marriage to be honest.......
Quote:I've never heard that saying before...and I'm glad I hadn't!! :blink:
Hmm. That's odd. Guess maybe that isn't a saying.
Quote:I knew someone that always advertised she was in an open relationship, just blew my mind. Still does, I'm not positive her husband was aware she was in an open marriage to be honest.......
Then it wasn't really "open"... Someone needs to hand her a dictionary!
Quote:Hmm. That's odd. Guess maybe that isn't a saying.
Maybe it's just your saying! :whistling:
Quote:Bet that threesome isn't so exciting to you if there are two sets of franks and beans involved, huh? 
A girl I dated in high school is married to a woman now...great for her. I always wondered why we never hooked up....but I still wonder if I'm the one who clinched it. lol
Quote:Hmm. That's odd. Guess maybe that isn't a saying.
Yeah, I never heard that one either...and kinda agree with BB4, in glad that I hadn't!
.gif "Laughing")
Quote:A girl I dated in high school is married to a woman now...great for her. I always wondered why we never hooked up....but I still wonder if I'm the one who clinched it. lol
Exactly!! You never want to think of being the one to push her over to the other side! :thumbsup:
Quote:Well, you know how the saying goes... " better for a woman to have a sex loophole than a man to have a sex poophole."
Liberace disagrees.