Quote:Your life is all over the place right now. It's like you're in the middle of the ocean with no one around and you're looking to grab onto a lifesaver. You're just wanting something on someone to hang onto.
You're in no place to be dating online or otherwise. You're not even divorced yet. Believe me when I say this. You need to relax, get divorced, adjust to life after divorce, and start to move forward. Focus on your child. Become a single parent. Digest your loss. Then, after all of that, start looking to live life beyond divorce. You're rushing everything and trying to get past your heartache in a matter of weeks. It's ludicrous. You're not ready to move on but you trick yourself into thinking you are.
How do I know? Because I've been there. I thought I was over my ex four months after we were divorced. I was flat out wrong. It took me over two years to truly get past what I had been through. That was ten years ago and now I can look back and truly see that it took a good two years to get over my divorce.
Stop trying to avoid your pain by trying to moving past it too quickly. Take it head on, absorb it. It'll be more painful but it'll help you get though it more quickly. You shouldn't be dating online or in any other fashion for that matter. Be a dad. Be a man.
You won't like this post but two years from now, you'll read it and say wow, he was right. Hendershot's a frickin' genius.
I can see where you are coming from. But I'm a total weirdo. My viewpoint on things like this or life is that I tend to never do what the "norm" is. For example, we still live together and we get along fine. Sometimes we enjoy each other's company even. But she has her lil' lady friend and I have a few girls that I'm talking to as well. I'm telling you, it's weird, absolutely NOT traditional in the sense of what a divorce should be like, but it works for us. In the past few weeks she's gone from my loving wife...........to my lesbian bestie who's also my wife for now. That about the best way to describe it when your significant other comes out to you and says they're gay.
I can't hate her or be mad at her. She saved me. I was quickly going down a deep and dark path as a teenager, doing some really dumb things, and she was there to pull me out. I owe a lot of where we are today because of her. Honestly, if I could go back and do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing knowing what I know now. Because for me, it's another chapter finished in my book of life. If I had a bucket list "being married to a lesbian" is a helluva challenge, but one I can scratch off.
We told the kid the other night. He took it about like I did initially but has started his own little healing process as well.
BIgJag, I hope your family finds peace throughout all of this.
Update!
So things are heating up between her and her lady friend, she's going over there this weekend for the weekend. My son's biggest concern was being uprooted and having to move away from his friends. The great news is that's not going to happen. He's a trooper and has taken it all in stride. So really we are functional. In about a month or so, we will be drawing up the paperwork to make the divorce official. It's been a smooth process so far and honestly I'm fine about it all. Like literally in no way shape or form can I draw some form of hate,resentment, sadness, etc. Again as mentioned above, I'm a total weirdo.
For me things are going great. I've successfully passed 40lbs lost so far and feel great. I'm talking often with this one girl who seems pretty cool. She's extremely ambitious and works a lot which is perfect for me as I'm not looking to dive into anything right away, rather if it's meant to happen, it'll happen. Right now we're quickly made friends with past baggage and happen to not mind sharing it with one another.
I can't help but smile about this whole thing because in a lot of ways, I'm happy again. What some would consider one of life's most devastating events has turned into some really positive and bright things ahead. Again, total weirdo. But it works for me.
At first I thought you meant you passed 40 lbs. Holy cow, you could have gotten War and Peace knocked out.
Quote:
I can't help but smile about this whole thing because in a lot of ways, I'm happy again. What some would consider one of life's most devastating events has turned into some really positive and bright things ahead. Again, total weirdo. But it works for me.
BigJag, I'm glad you're doing okay with all this and whatever works for you is great as long as the kid is not being affected negatively, which seems like he's not up to the moment.
But I do have to ask this: That first sentence is peculiar where you say you're happy again. Now, are you trying to say that even before all this went down, you weren't really all that happy with your marriage? Is it possible that you weren't in love with her anymore before all this started? I'm only asking because I'm trying to draw a correlation between how its been so easy for you to seamlessly and so quickly move on from what would usually be a very stressful time in one's life.
Quote:BigJag, I'm glad you're doing okay with all this and whatever works for you is great as long as the kid is not being affected negatively, which seems like he's not up to the moment.
But I do have to ask this: That first sentence is peculiar where you say you're happy again. Now, are you trying to say that even before all this went down, you weren't really all that happy with your marriage? Is it possible that you weren't in love with her anymore before all this started? I'm only asking because I'm trying to draw a correlation between how its been so easy for you to seamlessly and so quickly move on from what would usually be a very stressful time in one's life.
Yeah, I agree. When this thread started it seemed like you thought everything was going fine....you moved on quickly from that.
Quote:BigJag, I'm glad you're doing okay with all this and whatever works for you is great as long as the kid is not being affected negatively, which seems like he's not up to the moment.
But I do have to ask this: That first sentence is peculiar where you say you're happy again. Now, are you trying to say that even before all this went down, you weren't really all that happy with your marriage? Is it possible that you weren't in love with her anymore before all this started? I'm only asking because I'm trying to draw a correlation between how its been so easy for you to seamlessly and so quickly move on from what would usually be a very stressful time in one's life.
It's possible. I don't know really anymore. The past is the past at this point, the only thing that matters is what comes next.
Friends these days are only there to use you.
Quote:Friends these days are only there to use you.
my isn't that a cheery outlook
Quote:Friends these days are only there to use you.
Those aren't friends...
I've got friends who don't fit that description.
Quote:Friends these days are only there to use you.
Hey, get me a beer.
Quote:Friends these days are only there to use you.
Those aren't friends. If that's all you've go surrounding you, I'd suggest a change of scenery.
I think right now the only thing that sucks more than anything that i've gone through........is the loneliness. I've always had that person to go to and now she's gone. Now I just feel lonely. These dating sites are depressing. No I'm not going to do anything crazy or anything. Just sucks you know?
I caught wind that one chick liked me but based on principle she won't date me yet until she knows that I'm actually done with my wife and when she sees what the outcome with a guy she's currently dating. I want to try to convince her to date me instead since she's told me that she's said more bad things about the guy than nice.
Then there's another girl I know I could date but I'm in management and she's just an employee, however she doesn't directly report to me either. So I'm torn about that. She's made comments that would indicate interest for sure.
I am not seeking the next love per say. Just friggin lonely..........
Quote:I think right now the only thing that sucks more than anything that i've gone through........is the loneliness. I've always had that person to go to and now she's gone. Now I just feel lonely. These dating sites are depressing. No I'm not going to do anything crazy or anything. Just sucks you know?
I caught wind that one chick liked me but based on principle she won't date me yet until she knows that I'm actually done with my wife and when she sees what the outcome with a guy she's currently dating. I want to try to convince her to date me instead since she's told me that she's said more bad things about the guy than nice.
Then there's another girl I know I could date but I'm in management and she's just an employee, however she doesn't directly report to me either. So I'm torn about that. She's made comments that would indicate interest for sure.
I am not seeking the next love per say. Just friggin lonely..........
Don't you have any bro dudes? Does it need to be a romantic interest?
Quote:Don't you have any bro dudes? Does it need to be a romantic interest?
Not really man. I'm just looking to chill out. I got a homie I'm hanging with this weekend along with a few other friends. But when you're ex is out with her friend staying the night and son's at a sleepover, you start to realize how pathetically lonely it is. Granted it's 230 in the morning, this has been pretty much daily.
But that's okay. i'm dropping like 7lbs or so a week, In addition, my figure is shaping up well. I'm more focused on me more than anything right now I think.
Good lawd they need to make you pass a test to post when drunk. Will this thing hit 20 pages already?
Quote:Good lawd they need to make you pass a test to post when drunk. Will this thing hit 20 pages already?
Are you trying to get advice on getting your life in order on here...or are you trying to create a multi page thread?
Quote:Are you trying to get advice on getting your life in order on here...or are you trying to create a multi page thread?
I'm going with the latter. Call me a cynic, but there is way too much here for me to question.
Dude- enjoy the single life.
:pirate: