Quote:I'm pretty sure this will be the end deal. I mean what self-respecting 45 year old woman goes out and parties all night and goes out all the time? But she made her bed, she can lie in it.
Don't make the other woman into the bad guy....your wife is doing the same thing she is. And your wife knows she's married...you don't know what she's been telling the other woman.
Big Jag -
You sound like you're keeping your needs and your future in sight. That's a very good thing.
Stop telling us that many of us will not think you're handling this situation correctly. What we think doesn't matter. We aren't you - and we have no idea about her.
I really have no opinion about your wife, as I've not heard her side of the story. Think you could have her write a companion post giving us her thoughts? (Only kidding, sort of.)
You seem to think your life was tremendously boring. Do you not realize you described the normal lives of about 95% of American couples? Unless you are rich and famous you shouldn't expect to have time to do much more that what you now do. Don't start inventing reasons to feel guilty.
I hope you realize you've created a Message Board Serial - which means you're obligated to periodically update the group on the latest installment of Big Jag's Move Forward.
Good luck. It's only life. It doesn't last forever.
That's fine lol about the serial part. Im one who likes to get feedback from others and generally anyone i've spoken to has been bitter. The majority have been at least in their break ups.
As for me, well the cat's basically out the bag. My wife is one of those women that later discover in life that they are lesbian. This changes a lot. I can understand why she did what she did, it was wrong of her in handling the situation. But you can't change who you are.
I get to meet the lady soon and she showed me a picture tonight. I laid out clear expectations on how we move forward and after doing so, I feel better about the situation. It's extremely odd for sure. With a show of hands, how many people have been through this situation in life after being married for 10 years. At least we made it that long!
Quote:That's fine lol about the serial part. Im one who likes to get feedback from others and generally anyone i've spoken to has been bitter. The majority have been at least in their break ups.
As for me, well the cat's basically out the bag. My wife is one of those women that later discover in life that they are lesbian. This changes a lot. I can understand why she did what she did, it was wrong of her in handling the situation. But you can't change who you are.
I get to meet the lady soon and she showed me a picture tonight. I laid out clear expectations on how we move forward and after doing so, I feel better about the situation. It's extremely odd for sure. With a show of hands, how many people have been through this situation in life after being married for 10 years. At least we made it that long!
Did you say your wife was 45 before? How do you just wake up 1 week/ month/ whatever ago and realize "whelp you know what, all this marriage stuff was a farce, I'm really a lesbian"??? I mean, was there ANY clues/ hints of this beforehand?? Did she enjoy watching women on x rated movies with you or anything? Other comments about attractive women? or anything??? It just seems weird this late in the game.
Quote:That's fine lol about the serial part. Im one who likes to get feedback from others and generally anyone i've spoken to has been bitter. The majority have been at least in their break ups.
As for me, well the cat's basically out the bag. My wife is one of those women that later discover in life that they are lesbian. This changes a lot. I can understand why she did what she did, it was wrong of her in handling the situation. But you can't change who you are.
I get to meet the lady soon and she showed me a picture tonight. I laid out clear expectations on how we move forward and after doing so, I feel better about the situation. It's extremely odd for sure. With a show of hands, how many people have been through this situation in life after being married for 10 years. At least we made it that long!
One woman pays her some attention and suddenly she's a lesbian? I can see it being new...exciting even, but to all of a sudden go with "lesbian" seems a little extreme to me!!
Quote:One woman pays her some attention and suddenly she's a lesbian? I can see it being new...exciting even, but to all of a sudden go with "lesbian" seems a little extreme to me!!
As I said in an earlier post....the woman sounds extremely "flaky" to me.
Quote:As I said in an earlier post....the woman sounds extremely "flaky" to me.
To tear a family apart so quickly over a simple attraction is very flaky.
I've done the research and study online and it explains a lot. She told me that she's kind of always had it in her but never really acted/understood it. One thing about it is apart from that situation, my wife and i have been together for almost 14 years and if there's one thing she is, is honest 100% to the T. Now she is infamous for withholding information as I would have to ask her to answer, but she's being honest and i've no reason to believe that. I do know there is no chance of us getting back together.
It's totally cool though at this point.
Quote:At this point, my frame of mind about the situation has change from "oh my god you cheated on me, i hate you and will take everything!!" to "what can we do to make this situation and transition easy as possible on all of us so that we can move on with our lives".
Since there is a child involved, I think this is actually the best way to handle this. Sounds like at least one of the people in this relationship is a mature adult.
Good luck.
That's a pretty quick conversion, but if she's saying she's always had the tendencies, not surprising. It sucks that this breaks up a family, but the right approach is to try to make the transition as smooth as possible for your son.
Quote:Since there is a child involved, I think this is actually the best way to handle this. Sounds like at least one of the people in this relationship is a mature adult.
Good luck.
I gotta hand it to him for that - he seems remarkably composed in his handling of all this.
I wonder if my wife knows I'm lesbian?
Quote:I wonder if my wife knows I'm lesbian?
Depending on how long you've been married, probably not.
Quote:I wonder if my wife knows I'm lesbian?
Well, you do have a purty mouth.
Quote:Well, you do have a purty mouth.
I'm butch. That's my line.
BigJag, you aren't the first person to go through this, Nobly ... In the end, you have to do it your way.
You are in the "I will win mode", and you will. The people that give up would have gave up already. Good for them, I was not them either, but they were probably stronger than I was, or less in love.
There are no choices for someone like you ... Wife you love, child you love ... No other road to take ... So like I was, you wait for them to return.
It happens. Sometimes they do.
Quote:That's fine lol about the serial part. Im one who likes to get feedback from others and generally anyone i've spoken to has been bitter. The majority have been at least in their break ups.
As for me, well the cat's basically out the bag. My wife is one of those women that later discover in life that they are lesbian. This changes a lot. I can understand why she did what she did, it was wrong of her in handling the situation. But you can't change who you are.
I get to meet the lady soon and she showed me a picture tonight. I laid out clear expectations on how we move forward and after doing so, I feel better about the situation. It's extremely odd for sure. With a show of hands, how many people have been through this situation in life after being married for 10 years. At least we made it that long!
I've not been in this situation but I have known a woman I used to work with that almost matches the description of your wife. She ultimately left for good with her partner. I thought it was weird but, well, she was happy and 12 years later they are still together best of my knowledge.
If it turns out the other woman is hot, I have two words for you, BigJag.
Hidden camera.
If you're going to get left for another woman, you may as well capture some memories.
Quote:If it turns out the other woman is hot, I have two words for you, BigJag.
Hidden camera.
If you're going to get left for another woman, you may as well capture some memories.
Men.... :no:
Quote:Men.... :no:
Uh huh, don't go acting like you've never had the inclination to pose for the camera.